You might be a Conspiracy Theorist If...

Original Humor Inspired by Tommy's group The Chuckle Hut :)

So here goes...

You might be a conspiracy theorist if...


you think the moon is a hollow space station made of interstellar cheese

you check the labels on everything you buy for msg, aspartame, mono sodium glutamate, hydrolyzed protein, HFCS, and gluten, but when you get to the checkout you buy a pack of cigarettes

you think Alex Jones is a "gatekeeper" or "controlled opposition" yet you distribute his materials and information

you quote Morpheus so often that people think when you are giving your spiel that you are talking about a new Matrix movie

you're so paranoid, that you become paranoid of your paranoia

you can name every Illuminati bloodline yet you can only trace your own lineage as far back as the family members you have met

you're so paranoid, that you become paranoid of your paranoia -- and then smoke another bowl

you have more guns than you have matching pairs of socks

after reading half a web page, you form a belief and then change it after reading the other half of the webpage

you watch the super bowl to see if you can decipher the subliminal messages in the commercial advertisements

you brought a shortwave radio with you on your honeymoon to the Bahamas

you thumbs up a blog posting exposing water fluoridation while drinking a big gulp of tap water

every time you see a picture of Rudolf Giuliani you think of Nosferatu

you think "they" are out to get you but you NEVER leave the house

the person you live with has let you use their credit card to order "conspiracy materials" online so that it can never be traced back to you

while making your own storable food you curse at the Mason Jars

you keep farting in bed after your wife served you beans for dinner and then makes you sleep on the couch. all you can think about before going to sleep is hegelian dialectic

Christmas stocking stuffers consist of burned copies of your favorite documentaries and pocket constitutions

to cure your insomnia you lay in bed counting the sheople you can't wake up

while purchasing a plane ticket online you thought of the TSA and shopped prices for strap ons

you shop at an organic food store with an EBT card

you've ever called an anti-terrorist hotline to see if THEY act suspicous

you've ever passed through airport security with militia members wearing t-shirts that say (click here)

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Man did I have fun with this. Lol that's all I got for now. Feel free to jump in and come up with some of your own!

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Comment by Nathan A. Bauer on October 7, 2012 at 5:37am

KRYPTONITE IS A TROLL, BEWARE!

Comment by Nathan A. Bauer on October 7, 2012 at 5:35am

You are exposing yourself as the "Troll" sir. I express truth, and you keep on on the attack upon it. Thanks for revealing your true self early on...

Comment by Cryptocurrency on October 7, 2012 at 4:23am

Comment by Nathan A. Bauer on October 7, 2012 at 3:50am

You might be a Conspiracy Theorist if your name is Alex Jones and only wants your money while selling you fear, but never a solution to anything other than his full bank account...then he smiles.....

You might be a Conspiracy Theorist if you don't believe anything human could pass thru the Van Allen Belts, (6 more belts were created artificially by the US with Project: Starfish and others),  and live, such as the monkey sent in 1966 by Russia, or the one Russian man sent to the Moon in 67 who died before he got there, but still resides as a small shadow upon it. 

You might be a Conspiracy Theorist if you believe that 9/11 was actually a joint CIA, MI-6, Mossad Operation that downed three buildings, only two hit by planes, when several documentaries already show that all were made to withstand 727's, and the equivalent hit the Empire State Building in the 50's. It did not fall at free fall speed into it's own footprint.

Comment by Cryptocurrency on October 6, 2012 at 12:40pm

LMAO I forgot about this.

Comment by TommyD on February 2, 2012 at 12:17am

You mean he isn't????

Comment by Marklar on February 1, 2012 at 11:57pm

I was always partial to the Marilyn Manson was Paul from The wonder years thing myself.

Comment by TommyD on February 1, 2012 at 6:48pm

if you believe that Bill Hicks faked his own death and took on the persona of Alex Jones..you just might be a conspiracy theorist. (FYI, I DO NOT believe this but it is my favorite outlandish theory to ridicule)

Comment by Cryptocurrency on February 1, 2012 at 4:39pm

Ha, I was trying to come up with a Palpatine one!

Comment by TommyD on February 1, 2012 at 3:15pm

If you begin to see similarities between Joseph Aloisius Ratzinger (Pope Benidict XVI) and Empower Palpatine from Star Wars....

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