Thousands of outdoor smokers perish during UK ‘Big Freeze’

doctors calling for winter to be banned on health groundsFigures released today reveal that 15,436 UK smokers froze to death during the month of March. Many of them perished in broad daylight outside High Street coffee shops whilst sitting down quietly, giving off bad smells and obscuring the visibility of passers-by and other customers as they came and went, but otherwise minding their own business.

Thousands more, mainly from the east coast, remain missing presumed dead despite rescue workers vainly spending hour after hour following ash trails which only ever led into massive snow drifts in designated outdoor smoking areas, often covered by a canvas gazebo.

Restaurants have also suffered with many reporting the shocking and sudden loss of loyal smoker customers – those who insisted on dining alfresco and ended up making the ultimate sacrifice before they even had a chance to pay the bill.

Admitting that this year-on-year 99.99% surge in exposure-related smoking deaths was ‘a trifle disappointing’, coalition Health supremo, Jeremy Hunt, pointed out that on the positive side, each of the unfortunate fatalities was technically ‘free at the point of delivery’ and had probably saved the NHS quite a lot of money.

Worst hit was the sleepy Suffolk town of Southwold where, during one Arctic Saturday afternoon, 32 outdoor smokers were pronounced dead where they sat outside Cafe de Niro and Starstrucks. ‘I kept warning our regular smokers to stay indoors and stay alive, but would they listen?’ cried a disconsolate Assistant Manager Helen Cockle, who as a vegetarian struggling to control a 5-a-day courgette habit completely understands the issues.

Even more deaths occurred when desperate home-based smokers ‘popped out for a quickie’ and failed to return.

MORE FROZEN SMOKERS

Views: 150

Replies to This Discussion

Posted: Apr 6th, 2013 by Guest

Tagged as: 

ROTF ;D, but in these times a bit too close to the truth...

I think the Cafe de Niro ref might be lost on those who haven't been to the UK...

RSS

"Destroying the New World Order"

TOP CONTENT THIS WEEK

THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING THE SITE!

mobile page

12160.info/m

12160 Administrators

Doc Vega, Chris of the family Masters, cheeki kea and 3 more were featured

 

Latest Activity

Burbia commented on Doc Vega's blog post Police Encounters with Sasquatch News From the Outer Fringe
"Can't say I ever held a badge, but  definitely been near Sasquatch on a few different…"
2 minutes ago
Burbia commented on Burbia's group The Comment Section is Closed
"This political ad actually doesn't let you comment."
12 minutes ago
cheeki kea commented on cheeki kea's photo
Thumbnail

Stranger than fiction but True.

"Can it just be remembered that we were all fighting Along Side The Russians in World War Two ~ Not…"
4 hours ago
cheeki kea posted a photo
4 hours ago
tjdavis posted photos
4 hours ago
tjdavis posted videos
5 hours ago
cheeki kea commented on cheeki kea's photo
Thumbnail

NIMBYs

"Thanks LP that's a good point. Strange that Germany stuck their hat out to receive so many of…"
6 hours ago
Doc Vega posted blog posts
13 hours ago
Less Prone commented on cheeki kea's photo
Thumbnail

NIMBYs

"It not just the UK that is missing from this manipulated list. Note first that the bars are percent…"
13 hours ago
Doc Vega commented on tjdavis's video
Thumbnail

Nazi Television Footage (1935) w/English Subtitles

"Wow what a trip! We have much more sophisticated propaganda today mostly Democrat lies and…"
15 hours ago
cheeki kea commented on cheeki kea's photo
yesterday
cheeki kea posted photos
yesterday
cheeki kea commented on steve's blog post Where the WILD THINGS ARE IMPORTED and they bring nothing but beggars and violence
"It's going to be interesting to see what happens when all these immigrants flooding in meet up…"
yesterday
cheeki kea commented on cheeki kea's photo
Thumbnail

Do you see it ?... looking..

"Once you see it you can't un-see it. Try it on friends if they laugh they get it, or…"
yesterday
George Alan Montague favorited tjdavis's video
yesterday
George Alan Montague favorited tjdavis's video
yesterday
Doc Vega posted a blog post

I Aint Your Man!

I aint your manI aint your manI aint your man Because I'm not falling for your planLiving here in…See More
yesterday
Doc Vega commented on Doc Vega's blog post Chinese Satellite Emits green laser Beams on the Island Where was the Damn News?
"cheeki kea You're right! We have little insight into the dark workings of the Deep State as…"
yesterday
Doc Vega commented on Doc Vega's blog post The Last Live Performance of George Harrison
"tjdavis Hey I like that song but not familiar with the band. I subscribed."
yesterday
Anti Oligarch posted a status
"Hey, can anyone watch videos oon here? I can't :)"
yesterday

© 2023   Created by truth.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service

content and site copyright 12160.info 2007-2019 - all rights reserved. unless otherwise noted