1. The ADHD Kid

Signature smoking method: Steamroller

He stopped taking his Ritalin a long time ago because it made him feel dead inside. But then he was a total spaz. So to keep himself from jumping around like a psychotic banshee, he started smoking weed.


2. The Stoner Chick

Signature smoking method: Cute pink bowl that fits in her purse

When she’s smoking, this usually liberal arts-educated chick is cool as hell. She listens to good music, has a good laugh, and often goes without a bra.


3. The Artist

Signature smoking method: Homemade bong

It’s no secret – creative people smoke pot. It’s just how it is. But since this person is more productive when he smokes, he basically has a life-long free pass on smoking weed whenever he wants. 


4. The Patient

Signature smoking method: Vaporizer

With 16 states having already made medical marijuana legal, it seems everyone these days has some serious medical condition requiring the magical powers of marijuana. But for the truly terminal, life doesn’t get much better than steaming up some pot in a vaporizer and watching re-runs of “Murder She Wrote”. Not that you have to be dying to enjoy that or anything…


5. The Outdoorsman

Signature smoking method: Bowl

This guy doesn’t fuck around. He knows what to do when you encounter a grizzly and how to tell time with the sun. He can make a bowl out of anything, knows which mushrooms to eat – and which ones to never eat.


6. The Retiree

Signature smoking method: Expensive pipe/bong

These Boomers have been waiting for this moment since Woodstock. After growing up in the 60s, they did the responsible thing, made their money, sent their kids to college and are now settling into the glory years of reading The New York Times, gardening and smoking a shit-load of weed.


7. The Connoisseur

Signature smoking method: The Hurricane Bong

Despite the fact that this guy always has the best weed available, The Connoisseur is kind of a douche to smoke with. Weed is wonderful. That just goes without saying. I don’t give a shit what you read in your Cannabible.


8. The Moocher 

Signature smoking method: Whatever you’ve got

Not necessarily a bad guy – but still a pain in the ass – The Moocher only smokes weed when you smoke weed. 


9. The True Stoner 

Signature smoking method: Roach

This easy-going, goofy bastard always starts his days off with a wake-and-bake courtesy of his bedside bowl, followed by as much additional weed smoking as possible.


10. The Professional

Signature smoking method: Something strong

If you don’t catch this guy in the act, you’d never know he smokes at all. That’s because, most of the time, he’s working his ass off. But when he comes home from a hard day, the only way he can chill out is by getting really, really high.


11. The Teenager

Signature smoking method: Coke Can/Apple/Toilet Paper Steamrollers

As if they weren’t whacked-out of their minds already on mind-altering hormones, teenagers love to smoke pot. These newbies always think they have the best weed, but half the time it’s just a bag of grass clippings and sage.


12. The Gen-X Parents

Signature smoking method: Brownies

Deep down, these people are cynical and pissed off. In their spare time, they do yoga and attend wellness seminars and have the worst children on the planet. But you know what the perfect cure for all that is, don’t you? Yep, it’s weed. High five!


13. Ghetto kid

Signature smoking method: Dutchie, peach/grape blunt

No matter the The Ghetto Kid’s race or where he’s from, when he gets high, nine times out of ten, he’ll throw on a beat and start freestyling for hours, until it’s so boring you can’t even have fun smoking pot anymore. And when he’s not doing that, he complains about anything that’s pissed him off within the previous 36 hours, then shrugs it off like it’s nothing. And after all that, he’s still one of the best people to smoke with, ever.


14. The Redneck

Signature smoking method: Shitty metal bowl

This dude ‘just don’t give a fuck.’ He smokes and drinks at the same time, gets crazy at parties and loves to blow shit up. Chances are he grows all his own kick ass weed (in somebody else’s corn field).


15. The Metal Kid

Signature smoking method: Bowl

Nothing makes The Metal Kid happier than sitting in his basement apartment, listening to bands like Skeleton Witch and watching Metalocalypse. And for some reason, when a group of these surly fellows smokes, nobody talks – but nobody’s uncomfortable. Except you.


16. The Skater

Signature smoking method: One-hitter

You might mistake this guy for The Stoner or The Teenager. But unlike either of those assclowns, The Skater has an extremely high potential for raw havoc, no matter how much he’s smoked. 


17. The Frat Guy

Signature smoking method: Joint

Because of constant sporting obligations in high school, The Frat Guy never smoked weed until just before graduation, or when he moved away to college. If you smoke him down, from then on, every time he sees you, he thinks you’re stoned, even when you’re not. These people usually stop smoking pot after college and forget how great it is.