The FEMA holiday camps are now ready for occupation. With over 800 camps all around the USA, there is sure to be one near you. Hurry and sign up now. Details below!

All transportation, accommodation, recreational activities and meals are completely free of charge. Sound too good to be true? Read on.

Just leave your car at the roadblock, and board the waiting train which will transport you to your nearest camp. This train is your first experience of FEMA hospitality and you will see that there is a big emphasis on simple, communal living. The train consists of carriages without windows, but the side walls are louvered to let fresh air inside. You all sit together on a bench which runs the entire length of the wagon.

Upon arrival at the camp, you will be registered then taken to your accommodation. Please don’t be shocked by the tall fences with barbed wire on top. The FEMA camps are so popular that we have to keep people from getting in. And just ignore the watchtowers and the guards with machine guns. Everything here has been arranged with your safety and security in mind. You’ll soon get used to it!

The large communal huts are another example of our minimalist, communal living ideal. You will have your own bunk bed, and there are communal showers, and communal eating halls. Men and women are separated for your peace of mind.

During your stay you will also have a comprehensive health check, and be brought completely up to date on any missing vaccinations, such as swine flu, or any other vaccination which has been deemed necessary by the World Health Organisation, or your local Masonic Lodge. These organisations are greatly concerned for your physical well-being and have gone to great length and expense to make sure that you are completely protected against all know viral health dangers.

There are also recreational activities on offer. We like to call these “mind games”, and they have been developed over many years by our top scientists. This is cutting edge stuff, using the very latest virtual technology. The kids will love it. You will be encouraged to participate as often as possible. Again, this is all entirely free of charge!

Of course, you and your children will also receive your RFID micro chip implants, again, completely free of charge. These will be implanted in your body, under your skin at various key places and will make your life so much easier. Your medical history, credit history, bank account balance, travel history, physical and emotional state, can all be accessed and easily updated. You won’t need cash anymore. Just wave your right hand over a reading device and your bank account is automatically debited with the right amount. No need to worry about forgetting to pay your taxes either. Tax will be deducted automatically from your bank account. There is even a GPS tracking device inserted in your back so that you can never get lost, and your family will always know where you are. Yes, we have thought of everything to make your life safer and more convenient.

When you leave the camp, you will have been relieved forever of the troubling burden of rational, independent thought. Thanks to our cutting edge programmes, you will be a happier, better adjusted person, perfectly suited to your new life outside the FEMA walls. You can go back to your TV and celebrity game shows safe in the knowledge that the Global Government of the New World Order is watching over you 24 hours a day; taking complete and total care of you, and everything you do.

However, with so much on offer at our FEMA camps, and with it all being free, we expect demand for places to be high and so we recommend that you apply in advance to avoid disappointment. .

Write to your congressman now, and ask if your name is already on one of the FEMA lists, if not, ask for it to be added. There is a red list, a blue list, and a yellow list. To be absolutely sure of a guaranteed place, ask to be added to the red list. These people are considered VIPs and so get priority treatment, in fact some of the red list people like it so much that they never leave. Next best is the blue list. If you can get your name on here, you are pretty much assured of a place. The yellow list is lowest priority, and whilst you may still get a place, you may have to wait until the red and blue list people have been processed.

So don’t delay, contact your congressman today. The FEMA camps are ready and waiting to welcome you. This truly is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and we guarantee that after the experience, your life will never be the same again!

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