Sit back and relax as we take you through the issues of today and explore public opinions with our interviews! 

You tell those damned reporters from Fox out there, that I George Soros will never stop trying to undermine America! It is my life's work! 

James Talarico running for political office in the state of Texas says he believes in 5 different genders and that he drinks urine regularly! 

I don't know where this findger has been but if I stick it way up my nose, I thnik I'll be able to see the future. I know, I know, it sounds delusional. You thought it was a suppository.

I don't know nuthin about no Ferguson Effect. All I know is Obama done told me that white police officers are killing black men all over the country and I just wants to get my food stamps! 

Don't be alarmed now. We just want to know what you dream about, what your fantasies are, what your political persusaian might be, and if you ever use laxatives! 

I dream of the day when all Americans will be Marxists who bow to portraits of Stalin and eat peasant food like good slaves do! 

Damn it! I keep forgetting! The button on the right launches a nuke at Putin's favorite brothel and the other one launches at Disney Land or the other way around! Darn I hate when this happens! 

I'm warning you! This is what happened to me after eating at MacDonald's all the time! Those Happy Meals are murder! 

I've taken an oath to the Communist Chinese government that as a robotic male prostitute I shall infect as many American females as possible! 

Mam, this is a very nasty robot we have here. We think he learned from what he observed on Epstein's Island. The Democrats really want to shut him up! 

If my calculations are correct, all conspiritors involved in the 9-11 plot will begin to experience explosive diarrhea and begin making sounds like hyenas! We should be able to easily identify them and arrest them immediately! 

Ouch! Damn it those tasers used by ICE agents hurt! Maybe I'll pick up a new passtime like chasing small farm animals!

Watch out! It's one of those Monsanto GMO corn plants! They'll kill yuh! 

I thought NASA said we were going to the moon not one of these damn Disney rides! 

Is that actually the spoor of a Tyrannosaurus rex? It's huge! Bigger than I ever thought it could be! 

Wait! I've changed my mind about being an organ donor! I've changed my mind! 

Pleasant dreams boys and girls because we'll see you next time! Until then check beneath your beds and in your closets! Goodnight!