In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower & spinach, with green, yellow & red vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman could live long & healthy lives. Then, using God’s bountiful gifts, Satan created Ice cream & Magnums. And Satan said “You want hot fudge sauce with that?” And Man said “Yes!” And Woman said “I’ll have one with chocolate chips”. And lo, they gained 10 pounds.

And God created healthy corn and wheat that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so attractive. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 12 to size 14. So God said “Try my fresh green salad”. And Satan presented Blue cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.  God then said “I have given you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them”. And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped crayfish tails and fried chicken steaks. And Man’s cholesterol went through the roof.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition. Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep-fried them in animal fat adding copious quantities of salt. And Man put on more pounds. God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan came forth with TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started to wear stretch jogging suits.

Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created MacDonalds and the  double cheeseburger. Then Satan said “You want fries with that?” and Man replied “Yes, and super size ’em”. And Satan said “It is good”. And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest. God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery. And Satan chuckled and created the Medicare.

       THE FINAL WORD ON NUTRITION

1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

THEREFORE – Eat and drink what you like.  Speaking English is apparently what kills you.