(NaturalNews) What's better than receiving a free groping by the TSA? How about getting your breasts checked for cancer at the same time? That's the new offering from the TSA, which says that squeezing and twisting your breasts during security pat-downs is now a "medical procedure" and that it's all being done "to protect the health of Americans." Men, meanwhile, will now receive a free prostate exam as part of their screening procedure.

Before administering the new procedure, TSA agents will be required to attend a weekend seminar on manual breast cancer detection techniques. While some observers complained that a single weekend was not enough training to qualify http://www.naturalnews.com/TSA_agents.html">CTRL + Click to follow link"">TSA agents to conduct sensitive medical procedures on passengers, TSA head John Pistole responded by explaining, "That's true, but TSA agents aren't really trained on security, either, and we have them playing that role just fine, too."

Passengers going through TSA checkpoints won't notice much of a difference in the pat-downs, given that agents are already squeezing and twisting women's breasts. Men, however, will now be asked to cough.

In response to the new cancer screening at airport security checkpoints, the American Cancer Society praised the move, explaining this was the "free health care" promised by President Obama. "There's no charge for this valuable cancer examination," an ACS spokesperson said. "People wishing to receive their free screening merely need to buy an airplane ticket and line up at a security checkpoint."

DHS head Janet Napolitano even explained that introducing the medical procedure "resolves all Fourth Amendment concerns about our security pat-downs" because by adding the breast cancer checks, pat-downs are now "medical procedures," which are not protected under the Bill of Rights.

There's even talk of using the TSA's so-called "naked body scanners" as mammography imaging devices. Since TSA agents who monitor the scans are already zooming in on the naked images of women's breasts, it only makes sense to train them to look for early signs of breast cancer at the same time. Those who are found to be carrying breast cancer could even be injected with chemotherapy "treatment" chemicals before boarding their flight.

Not everyone is happy with the new arrangement, of course. There's always some radical, freedom-loving security hater who doesn't go along with the benefits of Big Government. In this case, health freedom extremist Mike Adams -- long suspected of being an "information terrorist" for publishing free cancer cures on NaturalNews.com -- pointed out that since the TSA often misses guns, knives and other weapons in carry-on luggage, how can they be trusted to spot tiny lump tissues in breasts, especially through clothing? In response, the TSA says it is considering requiring passengers to remove their clothing in order to "enhance the accuracy of the medical screening."

An MSNBC news poll reveals that 95 percent of Americans would gladly take off all their clothes and agree to be molested by government agents if they were told it would "make them safer."

(This article is obviously satire. See more satire from Mike Adams at the http://www.counterthink.com/">CTRL + Click to follow link"">www.CounterThink.com website.)

Learn more: CTRL + Click to follow link"">http://www.naturalnews.com/033112_...

Views: 53

Comment

You need to be a member of 12160 Social Network to add comments!

Join 12160 Social Network

Comment by CHUCK W. on July 25, 2011 at 10:14pm

here's one for you

'

 

Monday, July 25, 2011

Texas beer joint sues church

Laugh A Little.

            In a small Texas town, (Mt. Vernon ) Drummond's bar began construction on a new building to increase their business.. The local Baptist church started a campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayers. Work progressed right up till the week before opening when lightning struck the bar and it burned to the ground. The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means.

            The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise in its reply to the court. As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork. At the hearing he commented, "I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but as it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that does not."
Comment by CHUCK W. on July 25, 2011 at 7:01pm

we all need a little humor in our day. I find the best type is when it creeps up on ya unexpectedly. sorta like having a baby and not knowing you were pregnant.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?

A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and  looks forward
     to his adultery.
                  ***********************************
Q: Give the meaning of the term  "Caesarean Section"
A: The Caesarean Section is the red light district in Rome.

Comment by youhavetoforgiveme on July 25, 2011 at 4:51pm
lol...oh now that's funny....maybe I've been here too long. Until I saw the word "satire", I thought that he was serious-- and it was even funny then too.

"Destroying the New World Order"

TOP CONTENT THIS WEEK

THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING THE SITE!

mobile page

12160.info/m

12160 Administrators

 

Latest Activity

rlionhearted_3 commented on Doc Vega's blog post If History is Ever Portrayed as It Really Happened
"The “white dude in the center” is Bill Gates. People been planning shit for generations."
1 hour ago
rlionhearted_3 favorited Doc Vega's blog post If History is Ever Portrayed as It Really Happened
1 hour ago
Burbia posted videos
4 hours ago
Doc Vega posted blog posts
20 hours ago
Doc Vega commented on tjdavis's blog post The Dems Love Their Demons
"Gruesome AI romance photography! "
20 hours ago
Doc Vega favorited tjdavis's blog post The Dems Love Their Demons
20 hours ago
rlionhearted_3 posted a photo
21 hours ago
cheeki kea commented on tjdavis's photo
yesterday
cheeki kea favorited tjdavis's photo
yesterday
cheeki kea favorited tjdavis's blog post The Dems Love Their Demons
yesterday
cheeki kea posted a blog post
yesterday
tjdavis posted a blog post
yesterday
Doc Vega posted blog posts
yesterday
Doc Vega commented on Doc Vega's blog post In Disarray
"cheeki kea Thanks for your support! "
Tuesday
Burbia commented on Burbia's photo
Tuesday
Burbia commented on Burbia's video
Thumbnail

IT’S OVER! Trump OBLITERATES IRS as Social Security Just Changed FOREVER!

"The IRS has lost almost one-third of its tax auditors after 2 months of DOGE cuts, report…"
Tuesday
Burbia posted videos
Tuesday
cheeki kea favorited Doc Vega's blog post In Disarray
Monday
Burbia commented on Burbia's photo
Thumbnail

What's in Macron's hand? Cocaine bag?

"Russian Spokesperson Maria Zakharova Responds to Macron, Merz, and Starmer’s…"
Monday
rlionhearted_3 favorited cheeki kea's photo
Monday

© 2025   Created by truth.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service

content and site copyright 12160.info 2007-2019 - all rights reserved. unless otherwise noted