A bit of doggerel for Christmas 2018

Russian Trolls Hacked Rudolph's Nose
And sent him to Siberia

Russian Trolls Hacked Rudolph's Nose
And sent him to Siberia.
News stories flew like Arctic snows;
The Elves were near hysteria.

"How can this be?" Santa thought hard.
"Russians don't hate Christmas,
But our Elite, White Rat Guard,
Say they created this mess."

Their Captain, appointed with brass and braid,
Viewed all the sad faces around.
"It's even worse, I'm much afraid,
Because of what we found.

Sorry to say it. But the facts are;
Rudolph has ties to that nation.
His name is Russian; his nose a red star.
He's a spy! In our estimation."

"Taffy-Tangles!" Chided Mrs. Claus.
"That is just preposterous.
I'd quicker believe, and with more cause,
That my unicorn's a rhinoceros."

The Elves chuckled. The pall was broken.
They insisted. "A mistake has been made."
"We'll know," Santa cautioned, "once I have spoken
To Rudolph. Perhaps we've been played."

Of course Santa's Holly Net works world wide,
So he speed dialed Rudolph's EL-Fone.
In Vladivostok it rang and Rudy replied,
"I'm safe and on my way home."

Faster even than twinkling of stars,
He returned without injury or scars;
Except he was holding little glass jars
Of fleas. Not from the Czars. 

"You know the cookies Mrs. Claus bakes,"
He reminded. "Some disappear
Before she can bring them to our cocoa breaks.
And it's happening more this year.

Last night I walked by the bakery's stoves;
Saw rats sneaking cookies. But when
They saw me; they caught me, put fleas in my nose.
It guided me wackily then."

Santa mused, "Rats are fine on the whole,
But some may have dubious natures.
They once worked with Anti-Claus at the South Pole,
Plundering penguins and glaciers."

The Rats were found naughty, and guided by Felines
To where they're happy and belong.
The duty of Guards was given to Canines.
It suited them well all along.

Still Rudolph was troubled, due to a fear
His absence jeopardized Christmas.
But Santa whispered, "We're magic here.
Nothing can bother us much;

For orbiting reindeer and navigable chimneys
Are dear in people's art:
To Celebrate Love's Power, with Awe and with Whimsy,
Bringing Christmas Joy Heart to Heart." 

Merlin Montgomery
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Photos courtesy Pixabay.com