Sadly, in the west we now have a divorce rate of 50% with 67% of married women saying that they would have an affair if they were not to get caught. Whereas by the 1960’s for most people, divorce was still unthinkable, only movie stars were known to have frequent divorces. Today it’s considered to be the norm to have as many as two to three marriages over the course of a lifetime. I’m particularly appalled at seeing the numbers of middle aged to elderly women living alone and being happy that way while others live in the desperation of life alone with little prospect of gaining another spouse. The majority of women who experience poverty do so most often as a result of divorce. So, in this sad world of routine loss of partners we find that society has given us the impression that you and I are expendable.

Grief

The question of what is worse being a divorcee or a widower? I have talked to both and I will say that the grief experienced over divorce is just as bad as suffering the death of a loved one. Strangely for some people the betrayal and cheating of a spouse who leaves one is even worse than the finality of death. It’s not about being vindictive it’s about the destruction of one’s self esteem knowing someone they loved did not value them enough to be faithful or honest. While, the death of a spouse, as tragic as that is, allows people to move on as that chapter of their life is closed forever. They had no control over it. There’s no guilt or lingering self-doubt, in other words no “What ifs”.  

The sword that cuts both ways

I read where one man had been divorced a couple years and was hanging onto the idea that he and his ex might get back together again when she remarried he was crushed. Another man who lost his wife to a medical death looked at the many years of a marriage and said some years were good and some bad. What hurt him the most was the marriage had been having a bad year at the time and there was no way he could ever make it up to her since she had now passed away.

The pendulum swings the other way

So, what has the frequency of divorce brought us? On one hand, a man or a woman in an abusive situation can finally leave the relationship without too much social ridicule as many women suffered terribly under overpowering men without options for decades, but now the tables have turned. The courts are against men with the new found deceptive term, “No Fault” divorce. This implies something very different than what it appears to be. What it says and what all states have adopted now for the sheer convenience of the courts has been that no matter what a man or woman in a divorce have done, half of the community property will be divided equally so an adulteress can simply acquire wealth while she trades up in the supply chain while a man loses his equity or vice versa where the man did not make as much as the woman.

Difference in empathy

And, by the way, you don’t see men who antagonize a woman over making more money than her, but you will see many women who make more than a man reminding and belittling him often over it. Just as when a woman is secretly unfaithful to a man all her friends may know it and even cover for her as they are thicker than thieves but I don’t know many men who condone this or would care to do the same for a husband that’s secretly having an affair on his wife, but still it does happen. A sad commentary about human nature.

Differences?

However, there is one outstanding trait about women. I’ve noted because they think differently about the same things as men and even use different hemispheres of their brain when solving the same problem as a man. I have seen a woman who has several lady friends who may all be single and unhappy with a grudge against men. So, their lucky girlfriend who has a man she is happy with experiences and even comments happily about it is met with negative and suspicious comments maybe even discouraging her from having this “Mister Wonderful” as they are now all jealous! I have actually seen women talk their best friends out of a relationship simply out of petty jealousy or maybe even competition. Could it even be that they fear of losing a closer friend if she spends all her time with her man? Why would a woman in love have to choose between her beloved man and her friends? Yet, this is the slippery slope of man and woman relationships today. As one woman once told me, “Oh, we women are jealous and competitive! You have no idea.” You just don’t find men discouraging a friend who has a hot girlfriend out of jealousy.

Release by death

With the corrosive effects of pop culture, feminism, and LGBTQ lies is it any wonder that our most trusted institutions in the west like marriage have come under fire? Even among the devout Christians where divorce is at a lower rate. I remember knowing a devout Christian property management officer who lost his wife in an untimely accident. Don’t remember whether or not he had kids, but a year later much to the surprise of his congregation he married in one year and started a new family. Of course, there were suspicions that he may have been having an affair, but I think this illustrates how the death of a spouse releases the survivor to seek another significant other. After the grief period has ended.