My Site: http://dswoodopines.blogspot.com/

(Derek Wood) - The evening hours of a frigid night met by blustering winds violently blowing the branches back and forth and at times at my car. As frightening as the scratches to our Volvo paint job, it can only mean one thing... "zombie talk."
This study is based on a few "get a life" factors. Here's a few of them: knowledge of zombies, veterans or military presence per capita, lardness or fitness, ability to use a gun, or 2nd amendment friendly states.
I'm not into zombies, ghouls, vampires, aliens or Kanye West, but hell... why not switch it up and write a piece on a study of, which states are most likely to survive, and which states are most likely a human zombie biscuit? Woof.

                                                                 New Jersey Dead, Alaska Alive:
New Jersey is the least likely of the 51 states studied to survive a "zombie Apocalypse." This will come as good news for anyone who has visited or passed through the state or hated the show "Jersey Shore." When I heard New Jersey, I thought, does this mean a band of lurking, hungry zombies gets to eat Snooki?  Not even zombies are that desperate.
Alaska was found to be the most likely to survive. A few things about this; First, it's really cold there. So, come get me, I'm not moving  there. And, Alaska is 18k plus in a petition to secede to Russia. So it looks like Wyoming should be the most likely U.S. state to survive.
I'm living in New Hampshire now, from Maine, resided a year in Arizona, which makes three states I've had to file a tax return with in the top 20. What does this mean? This means I'm a top 20 kind of guy of course. New Hampshire 9th, Arizona 7th, Maine 17th. Eat your hearts out 
                                                                    Hunting Tips For The Zombies:
There's a lot of flesh to be had for you zombies but you aren't going to get it easy. Besides, I think the zombie hysteria is so lame. Even Rosie O'Donnell should be able to outrun a zombie. They are deliberate, slow, and only in America do we get wrapped up on something, that is about as scary or threatening as a ground slug. Side Note: Those slugs are gross and scary.
Tip 1: There's a business in this, I'm quite sure. If not a business, a show. Let me suggest that you go on a tour with me. This is a chance of your morbid life-time. You will be surrounded by a landslide of slobber just the way you like it. Bring your favorite seasoning because this "grade A" zombiesque flesh is 100 percent approved by the USDA, so you know it's most likely decaying. Where am I bringing you? To the voting booths.
Just think of all the meat you can digest in there. These squabbling scoundrels won't know a thing when you do it. After all, they are a shade away of being just like  you. Filling in their "it really doesn't matter" candidate choices on their corporate rigged screens. They'll just confuse you for their fellow man. Hell, don't be afraid to vote too, after all, you are dead, and that vote matters for the democrat party.
Tip 2: If you are looking for an easy fix, as easy as a hot pocket, look no further. You literally don't have to, I'm convinced that nearly every town in America, or a surrounding town, has this for you: A Chinese restaurant. This could be what you call an avarice pay day for you repellent people eating pimps. Buffets are a main attraction in America, full of artery clogged items dipped in cholesterol clump scraps. People are in lines, surfeited to indulge in these health hazards all over the country. Take your pick, I'll even suggest a few places. Don't worry, they won't be able to run... far. Try checking the restrooms for quick results. And while you are at it, frog legs aren't all that bad... give them a try.
Tip 3: You have to have an insider, someone who can perform networking duties and pretend to be human. I'm not talking about President Obama, but you need to find someone as close to him as inhumanly possible. Why? Social networking is huge, nearly all living beings in a civilized or developed country is engaged on either Facebook or Twitter. I'd suggest Mark Zucker the fuckerberg, but he is busy being a "living zombie." Try a zombie recently bit, that was once upon a time involved in the "IT" life. Once you have a found your choice, you will succeed. I will succeed and thank you later. Once you have befriended all these disdainful souls, you are guaranteed to feast. You will have excess, more excess than U.S. generated tax dollars to Israel. You can call it; "zombie-dome."
                                                                    Wrapping It up And Then Eating It:
It's time to wrap up zombie talk. But before we do, we need to take something from this study. What does this mean for you feeble-frittering flocks of fungus that can't cut the mustard when it comes it to fighting off these cold-calculated-creeping- evil-dead night walkers? 
Could it mean your state is better equipped at dealing with vampires, or as I like to call them politicians? Possibly.  Perhaps your state could defeat an alien empire because " Florida has more experience at handling technological equipped weapons than Montana does."
Don't beat yourself up too bad, you do that enough every four years, Florida. New Jersey, no worries, some sluts will come along in time to bring prominence back to your state. Alaska - you will succeed in seceding, but the Federal government won't let you and most likely will wipe you off the map before the zombies had a chance. New Hampshire, you will pay the zombies off with your tax free state income money and have the zombies attack the overtaxed neighbors of Massachusetts and Maine. Maine and Massachusetts, you will be attacked but as a gift of the payoff orchestrated by yours truly, I will exempt a few individuals, and unlike government start up programs, I'm sure you will do so as quick as possible. Moreover, like government programs, I can't guarantee the work will be done effectively.  Don't worry Maine family, I exempted you.
Well there you have it... a night of howling wind, the snaps and bicker between tree limbs, and the chap skin of a religious foolish smoker smoking his zombie free cigarette away. Goodnight and death to all.