UPDATES have been made to the classic cast of the Christmas Nativity in a bid to make it more relevant to the Holy Land™ today, with the addition of new characters such as an IDF soldier dragging a Palestinian teenager around the back of the crib and smashing his face with the butt of his rifle.
Manufacturers have made the changes after it became apparent that a tranquil scene of a family snuggled safely in a Jerusalem dwelling with a roof just ‘wasn’t realistic’, even in the context of a woman made pregnant by a ghost giving birth to the son of the creator of the universe.
New additions to the diorama include the aforementioned terrorist/Palestinian child being ‘interrogated’ by the Israeli army, a queue of Palestinian civilians being herded out of their homes before the bulldozers get sent in, and on more expensive sets, a Palestinian hospital being hit by heavy artillery fire.
“The donkey and the three wise men, they’re all still there, even though you’d struggle to find those things in Israel right now,” said Karl Lungrof, one of the designers of the new-look Nativity.
“And the rest is just there to show that the Holy Land you read about in the Bible isn’t some mythical Middle Earth kind of place; it’s real, and it’s still there, and it’s still a place where a family have to flee in terror due to the threat of death by a tyrannical regime. Oh, and I forgot to show you this…”
Lungrof paused to find and flick a switch on the back of the crib.
“It lights up! Pretty sweet, yeah?”

Waterford Whispers