Special Note: This satire was generously contributed by Eric Blair from Activist Post.
This week, the United States government, working closely with local authorities, heroically raided and arrested raw-food terror kingpin James Stewart in Venice, California. Stewart, who runs the private healthfood cartel, Rawesome Foods, "posed a major threat to the establishment," claimed an unnamed but armed, undercover double-agent involved in the arrest.
After two SWAT-style stings in one year, Stewart now faces several felony charges including: conspiracy to sell milk to minors; conspiracy to operate a private club without paying protection money to the authorities; conspiracy to educate the masses; and conspiracy to make people healthy and independent.
The authorities warn that the news of Stewart's arrest and pending environmental tribunal may awaken his cult of followers, called foodies. These extremists typically come from the political left, once believing that boisterous regulations were actually for the public's safety. They are generally a peace-loving group, but with their bright smiles, chiseled bodies and fully-functional minds, they may prove to be a formidable threat in the war of ideas against the establishment. These foodies, hopped up on natural vitamins, minerals and antioxidants, no longer believe the FDA or the government is there to protect them. For our safety, such nonconformity must not be tolerated.
The establishment must do everything it can to make an example of Stewart and his accomplices before the contagion of natural health awareness spreads to critical mass. Food choice is a privilege that must be fully enforced with more firearms and badges in order to maintain the corporate-government monopoly over food. Anyone who demands food freedom should be considered a threat -- not just to themselves, but to society as a whole. And like animals backed into a corner, foodies who lose their rights should be considered dangerous extremists and monitored like Al-Qaeda.
"Destroying the New World Order"
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