Even in his absence you’re dimly aware

Of his destructive presence always there

You try your best to minimize your risk and dare

Still Captain Reality is your potential nightmare,

You see his work when there’s a car wreck

You’re lucky if you only wake up with a pain in the neck

Maybe just a grizzly bear on your wilderness trek

Maybe a gambler being shot over a trick card deck,

There’s a big creature moving in the bottom of the lake

Guess going fishing in a small boat was a big mistake

There goes another missing person for goodness sake

Went out for a picnic and my dog ate the cake,

Went for a cruise down the old avenue

You look over and there’s a gun pointed at you

The muzzle of his revolver was steel blue

Captain Reality savors the tension for a moment or two,

Was on the roof in the pouring rain

Felt that lightning strike with searing pain

The paramedic in the ambulance think her name was Jane

Was working on me when she went insane!

Thrill seeking for a sky dive with your parachute

The kid packing your gear didn’t give a hoot

The instructor shoves you out of the plane with a boot

Rip cord failed next comes the coffin and burial suit!

Captain Reality orders you to move out with your men

The fire fight begins shortly after then

You soon find out you’re surrounded by a force times ten

Sometimes the sword is mightier than the pen,

Just when you thought it couldn’t get worse

Captain Reality shows up driving his fancy hearse

You drew your six shooter trying to be first

Unfortunately, Cowboy, things just got worse,

Your excitement over your new car just lost its luster

You just received the cost of the repair from the claims adjuster

Your luck is just about as good as General George Armstrong Custer

Was that cyanide you just tasted in your mustard?