In today's modern Army we teach you to play with others because social justice is our credo! 

My two uncles who were always playing under the covers and had a big can of Crisco in their bedroom encouraged me to explore my own personal meaning. So here I am in the Army!

In the modern day US Army military police must be tough and savvy so we can maintain law and order on the bases! When terrorism strikes we can always negotiate a solution!

Of course in cases of repeated disciplinary issues a little S&M may be necessary so the modern day US Army infantry must have stout orifices! 

The new modern US Army is not blind to fashion trends that enhance our social acceptance. We are sure that our enemies will respect this too!

In today's modern US military you can be assured that your gender reassignment surgery will be paid for with taxpayers dollars! The term, "Yes Sir!" Will no longer be relevant.

Do Russian and Chinese regular infantry know the meaning of tough? We here in the modern US Army are ready to reveal our capabilities! 

Just remember, your new superior officer will be a touchy feely kind of leader! 

I had no idea what I really wanted for my life until I took a look at the new US Army, and boy am I grateful! Would you hand me my makeup please?

We're always ready for the call of duty! 

In remembrance of our fallen predecessors we fly the colors of our allegiance! Uh huh!

This public service message has been brought to you by the Transgender Uniform Compliance Association.