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Comment by James Roberts on May 4, 2020 at 12:43am

And, by the way, Doc, thank you so much for trusting me in this. Your trust is not misplaced.

Comment by James Roberts on May 3, 2020 at 7:07pm

Doc, yeah, I've bluntly turned down several offers, interacted with a few in the past ten years, but I always stopped short of the bed. I've also kept my home, let's say, disordered, as a defense mechanism from people coming over. But that is changing as well, very much so.

Comment by James Roberts on May 3, 2020 at 7:04pm

Yeah, Doc, and I wanted to mention that I meant no offense as well, glad you didn't take any. Sure, I'll get with you through private messages to find out where to send the stuff to. Have to run to the store, but will message later. And, the best thing about this is there is no way it will harm someone.

Comment by Doc Vega on May 3, 2020 at 6:43pm

James, I appreciate your observations and I do not intend to reopen old wounds but my creative side seems to need to purge these words of mine. I will admit something to you and don't care if anyone reads this anyway since I think I know you reasonably well with what we've both been through. By the way, thank you very much for the medical offer I would very much like to take the plunge so to speak. I do not enjoy going through life carrying around a coffin. Since my ex more than 6 years ago had an affair I have not been in bed with another woman and have only been kissed by 2 women since then and it is really messing with my self confidence and self esteem. I got ripped off really badly by and overseas dating site that should be shut down by the authorities and even flew to Shanghai to meet some little China doll, but it was all a formulaic system they've devised it's like the Wuhan Lab thing, they are brilliant at savagely lashing out at those they want something from. Maybe the Japs knew something in WWII that we didn't. Anyway, Yeah I probably could have bedded a bar fly slut here or there when I was playing the drums at a club. Maybe I could have forced myself to go to bed with a pig or two and I hate calling women pigs they might be a decent person inside but their life has turned them physically into something else. Man, I can't just have sex for the sake of physical lust or need anymore nor was I good at it when I was a more dapper young chap. It's got to mean a little more than that and after getting ripped off so bad by Asian Date I am hesitant to invest anymore into dating sites as most of them are a racket. I know this from a couple of rich acquaintances that will tell you that these bastards solicit their business model to potential investors without so much as a mention of the service delivering to the customer a credible product it's all about making money and screwing lonely single men for fun and profit. So, my outlook is very jaded and almost fatalistic. That said. I pray and try to be thankful to God for what I do have. Forgive me for laying this on you. Thanks for your input. 

Comment by James Roberts on May 2, 2020 at 9:00pm

The events associated with my last serious relationship were so catastrophic and calamitous, it made such an impression on me that I basically lived in the past for most of the past 20 years. An incalculable loss. I would do much if I could prevent even one other human being from wasting their life in such a manner. Fortunately, my business is improving brain function with technology. When one has traumatic loss, it's like taking hard drugs. Parts of the brain shut down. You can see this vividly on something called a functional MRI. This latest thing I came up with, the intranasal allantoin and stimulation of cranial nerves 5 and 7, that can turn those lights back on, in no uncertain terms. It also seems to turn back the clock somewhat. In the meantime, until I can get these things to you, if you want them, I would suggest you focus on something else. There is time for somebody new, as there is with me. And every day, I resolve repeatedly to NOT bring the baggage of the past into what will come.

Comment by James Roberts on May 2, 2020 at 8:02pm

The thing is, Doc, what you do repetitively, it causes your brain to rewire, making new neural pathways, stronger and stronger, associated with that activity. I dated a nurse for a short while who worked on a psych floor (looked like Jessica Rabbit with shorter hair, pretty much, by the way). She once told me, when I asked if they had considered having a punching bag for patients to relieve their frustrations, that they had. But what always happened was that, after a time, their ferocity increased so much that the hook that held the bag on, or the bag itself would be too badly damaged to continue using it.

That's why talk therapy is heavily debated in the mental health field. It's hard to say if anyone has the right formula to just not be ripping open old wounds. That's one reason why Scientology is very much against psychiatry. But, if you do it to yourself all the time...

Comment by Doc Vega on May 2, 2020 at 6:36pm

Thank for your indulgence James!

Comment by James Roberts on May 1, 2020 at 9:56pm

Some of it is very relevant to me. I just don't like to / can't stand to think much about stuff like that any more. It was enough to live through it once.  Maybe try writing hopeful poems about the future?

Comment by Doc Vega on May 1, 2020 at 9:08pm

Gosh, this all seems relevant to me. I thought others would agree. Oh well it's just my flawed fantasy!