'Twas the eve before destruction, when all through the land
Not a creature was stirring, under homeland securities hand;
The alarm systems enabled by families with care,
In hopes that the fed's wouldn't come around there;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of camps and jack-booted thugs danced in their heads;
And mamma with her shootin iron, and I with my sword,
Had just changed shifts at watching the door,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Showed up fleeting dark objects scurrying below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature tank, and federal agents eager to commandeer,
Around in a circle they watched through night vision,
Pointing their weaponry excited to accomplish their mission,

With a leader in black, and a ski mask for his head,
I knew in a moment we might all soon be dead.
More crafty than serpents the minions they came,
And he raced, and he signaled, and he called them by name;
"Now, East! now, West! now, Rear and Front Flank!
Establish your positions and bring me that tank!
You! to the top of the porch! and You on that wall!
Now bring me that flamethrower and you'd better not stall!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
Set in motion by the helicopter up in the sky,
So down on the house-top did the bright spotlight shine,
Sending a shiver and a chill down my spine.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The scuffing and tapping of each little boot.
As I drew up my sword, and was turning around,
Down came the door as it smashed to the ground.

He was dressed all in Kevlar, and big as a tree,
And his clothes were all bloodied from his last killing spree;
A cache of weapons he had flung on his back,
And he drew out an Uzi from his back pack.

His eyes glowed red as he peered through the dwelling,
And his voice was gravely as he began yelling!
And for a moment I thought I did see,
The head of a goat as looked around for me;

Two stumps protruded from the top of his head,
And a little red glow emitted from the walking dead;
He had a red face so cold and so mean,
But in place of a pitchfork was an M-16.
He scanned the whole room, as he slowly turned his big head,
And I shuddered when I saw him, as we dove under the bed;
He singled us out and pointed at me, And turned to his minions,
And shouted, grab them and get them, before they can flee!

He spoke not a word, as they hogtied us all,
And out of the room we were dragged through the hall,
The night could not pass without any bloodshed,
He stopped in the kitchen and leveled his gun,
And shot our pour dog while she cowered in her bed;

Out into the cold he dragged us through the snow,
And into a van he threw us, where he would take us, we could not know.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Tell homeland security we've finished the fight!"

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