When change is in the “wind.” It must be performed in the proper manner!.....
There's an old sea story about a ship's Captain who inspected his sailors, and afterward told the first mate that his men smelled bad.
The Captain suggested perhaps it would help if the sailors would change underwear occasionally.
The first mate responded, "Aye, aye sir, I'll see to it immediately!"
The first mate went straight to the sailors berth deck and announced, "The Captain thinks you guys smell bad and wants you to change your underwear." He continued, "Pittman, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowski, and Brown, you change with Schultz."
THE MORAL OF THE STORY:
Someone may come along and promise "Change", but don't count on things smelling any better.
The Captain suggested perhaps it would help if the sailors would change underwear occasionally.
The first mate responded, "Aye, aye sir, I'll see to it immediately!"
The first mate went straight to the sailors berth deck and announced, "The Captain thinks you guys smell bad and wants you to change your underwear." He continued, "Pittman, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowski, and Brown, you change with Schultz."
THE MORAL OF THE STORY:
Someone may come along and promise "Change", but don't count on things smelling any better.
Comment
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Comment by CHUCK W. on August 29, 2010 at 6:09pm
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DAMN THE PICTURE DIDDN'T COME THRU!
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Hillary Finds a Companion for the Evening
at Bob's
Orgasmic-Health-Clinic-and-House-of-Joy
"I'll take this one," she tells the maitre de.
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Comment by Nikki on August 29, 2010 at 6:09pm
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Very funny! But when the govt gets involved with sex, they will screw it up. Heck, they can't even run a brothel:
http://www.rootforamerica.com/blog/index.php?m=08&y=09&entr...
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Shadow of the Anti-Gore
Gore Debates the Anti-Gore
Gore: I'm for campaign reform. I'm going to get soft money out of politics. Governor Bush didn't take notes on what McCain was saying, but I did. Vote for me because I'm squeeky clean. No one has ever accused me or the Clinton administration of any financial misdealings.
Anti-Gore: Yes, my mealy-mouthed opponent has a campaign finance "reform" plan alright. And he is going to put Charlie "Christmas" Trie and Johnny "the White House is like a subway--you have to put in coins to open the gates" Chung in charge of it. But Al, come on, did you really have to wear Buddhist saffron robes when you announced your reform plan?
Gore: I created the Information Superhighway.
Anti-Gore: That's nothing. I created the Information Superhighway Patrolman software program to protect our children from having to view pornography, hate speech, and conservative ideas on the Internet.
Gore: Well, wait just a minute, Mr. Anti-Gore. I supported the NSA's Echelon, and the FBI's wiretap-ready, programs of spying on every phone, fax, email, and other electronic communication to make sure there aren't any pornographers, spies, terrorists, or Confederate-flag-waving right-wing Republicans around.
Anti-Gore: Boy, you sure have been busy. I feel much safer now with Big Brother Al watching over me.
Gore: Eric Segal's Love Story was written about me and Tipper.
Anti-Gore: Segal said the man in Love Story was based on Tommy Lee Jones and the coed had nothing in common with Tipper. But let's leave that aside. William Burrough's Naked Lunch was written about me and someone I won't name.
Gore: Bill Clinton is the first black President.
Anti-Gore: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! At least he lies a lot better than you.
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Janet Reno and Craig Livingstone
take a tour of Bob's
Orgasmic-Health-Clinic-and-House-of-Joy
"We want to get laid too," they confess to Bob-TV.
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The Anti-Bush
He's Not a Fraud!
Milton Friedman once said: "The Reagan-Bush years? What Reagan-Bush years? There were the Reagan years. And then there were the Bush-Clinton years!"
Well, guess what. NOW THE LEGACY IS TO CONTINUE WITH THE BUSH-CLINTON-BUSH YEARS. Are the Republicans insane, or just masochistic? And what's with George W.'s shit-eating smirk? He looks like he just did a line off the bar, then hopped up on it and danced naked.
You want a conservative? Then vote for the real thing!
Points in the Master Plan of the Anti-Bush:
will abolish the income tax and the IRS;
will get the Federal government out of education entirely;
will let high energy prices be a price signal for Americans to use less energy;
will end the Federal Reserve monopoly on currency issue;
will get the US out of the UN, NATO, the WTO, and the Financial Action Task Force;
will visit the site of the Waco massacre and vow to prosecute those responsible, starting with Janet Reno;
will not mention Jesus in connection with any of his body organs;
will blame the coming stock market crash on Bill Clinton and Larry Summers;
will not refer to himself as a "reformer".
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Hi. I just turned 18 and I'm voting for Bob. You want to know why? Well, first of all, only Bob deals with the issues that concern me in my daily life. Like, well, sex. And let's face it: Bush and Gore are complete dorks.
Bob wants to make sure that all Americans get enough sex. Or at least once a week, anyway. Isn't that a worthy cause? Well, it's given me and my friends something to believe in.
Some have asked: But what if you get drafted? Well, if I get drafted, I will serve my country. I will serve my country with pride, knowing also that I will be gaining valuable experience that I can use throughout the rest of my life.
Bob's motto is: To love and serve. That's my motto too. Make it yours. Vote for Bob.
This has been a paid political announcement. Paid for by Blondes for Bob.
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The Anti-Gore
the Working-Man's Liberal
He's BLACK!
He's BLUE-COLLAR!
He's a FAMILY MAN!
He served his COUNTRY!
...and...
He's GAY!
Beware those "working man" phonies who were driven to private school in Washington, D.C., in a limousine, those wanna-be Afro-Americans pretending to be "black", those straight guys pretending to love gays. Get rid of the cheap imitations and vote for the REAL THING: the ANTI-GORE!
When not working at the automotive assembly line, coaching Little League Baseball, or escorting his family to church, the Anti-Gore hangs out in leather bars and wrestles half-naked men to the floor with his bare hands!
WE'VE HAD ENOUGH OF LIMOUSINE LIBERALS. IT'S TIME WE HAD A REAL BLACK MAN IN THE WHITE HOUSE!
Points in the Master Plan of the Anti-Gore:
lots of free government stuff for working moms;
universal health insurance that begins at the moment of conception;
guaranteed gasoline at $1.00 a gallon;
gun control for White people too;
big tariffs on foreign products that take away American jobs;
sex education in pre-school;
increased social security benefits for everyone, not just old people;
more taxes on the rich;
free Internet access for gays and lesbians;
a macho bombing of some third-world country.
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The Anti-Bob Gets Advice from
Political Shaman Dick Morris
The Anti-Bob: Dick, you've got to help me here. I'm getting trashed by Bob, the Sex Candidate. Isn't there anyone really angry at Bob? What do the hookers say? You still have your toe in that camp, so to speak, don't you?
Morris: Well, Anti-Bob, obviously the hookers are up in arms. But that's not worth much. What sort of strategy did you have in mind? Vote for the Anti-Bob: He will privatize sex? That'll never work, not until people get sick of government brothels--which they obviously haven't even experienced yet.
The Anti-Bob: So what do you recommend?
Morris: You've got to triangulate, just like Bob. He dangles Gore in his left hand, making the Gore dogs salivate, and Bush in his right hand, making the Bush dogs salivate. Meanwhile he stands like Allah in the Great Unwashed Middle, presenting a paradise of Budweiser ambrosia and Federal Whoris. That Bob is bad. If you want to win, you've got to be badder than he is.
The Anti-Bob: Just how bad do I have to be, Dick?
Morris: Okay, you're the Anti-Bob, the alternative to Bob. So you need an Anti-Gore and an Anti-Bush to neutralize each of those two.
The Anti-Bob: Isn't Bush the Anti-Gore, and vice-versa?
Morris: No, no you big Anti-Dummy. I mean, Mr. Future President. Gore and Bush are exactly the same; they're just fighting over which crowd gets to divide the tax-payer spoils. The Anti-Gore is a mirror of Gore: he appeals to the same people and divides the vote. His job is to show that Gore is a fraud, and that he, the Anti-Gore, is the real candidate. The same for the Anti-Bush. The Anti-Bush will demonstrate that Jesus didn't change Bush's heart enough, that Bush won't cut taxes enough, hell, that Bush ain't even a real Republican.
The Anti-Bob: Yeah? And then what about me? You know I could wrap my tenacles around your body, absorb all your precious bodily fluids, and leave you as a smoldering heap of burnt sand.
Morris: Now, now, Mr. Future President. The Anti-Bush and Anti-Gore will drive everyone back to the middle, and that will turn the real action into a contest between Bob and the Anti-Bob, between him and you.
The Anti-Bob: And then? How do I whip Bob's ass?
Morris: You leave that to me, he he. At the right time, we'll create a little scandal that will drive Bob right off the map. He he. Sex candidate indeed. Maybe we'll have reporters catch him in bed with a dead girl or a live boy. He he.
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Bob Appears on Larry King Live
Larry King: This is Larry King Live. Tonight's special guest--Bob, the Sex Candidate! How are you tonight, Bob?
Bob: I'm fine, Larry. How are you?
Larry King: Let's get right to it. This sex plan of yours--how does it work?
Bob: Well, under my plan, every American of voting age will be entitled to one free weekly episode of sex, at government expense.
Larry King: This would take place at government-run brothels, what some would vulgarly call whorehouses?
Bob: We prefer to refer to each establishment as an Orgasmic-Health-Clinic-and-House-of-Joy.
Larry King: And who would work at these places? I mean it would take a lot of personnel to staff these goverment health clinics, wouldn't it?
Bob: As with the rest of the federal government, employees will be recruited without regard to race, color, creed, or sexual orientation. But that's where my millennial draft plan will also come in. Each American girl and boy between the ages of 18 and 21 will be required to serve their country for 2 years, without regard to gender. However, they will be given a choice: to enter the military, or to do community service--the majority of whom will probably end up in a government health clinic. Remember these are young people. They are idealistic, and easily brain-washed. If old people like you and me, Larry, can get them to die for their country, surely we can get them to make love like good little patriotic troopers.
Larry King: This is your famous Fight-or-F--- Plan?
Bob: Some have called it that. We're calling it The Gender-Neutral Community Service and World Peace Act for the New Millennium.
Larry King: Well, there you have it. Bob, the Sex Candidate, telling us you won't have to get married again just to get laid. This is Larry King, saying goodnight.
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