Personal Update: Still keeping my head out of the rabbit hole

Hi everyone,

I thought I'd write an update blog since I haven't posted in a while, and I seemed to have quite a little following I wouldn't want to disappoint :) Anyway, I'm still avoiding the "rabbit hole". It's getting easier. At first it was torture not checking WRH and Lew Rockwell every day, but it got easier over time. The depression I was in seems to have lifted for the most part (I even quit smoking!). I've just had to accept that this world has a huge dark side, and is run by pricks. What made this easier for me was the realization that it always has been. I think about the dark ages, the crusades (burning times), ancient Egypt, and I realize that I have it a hell of a lot better than the common folk of those days. You know, my food may be tainted with chemicals that will kill me 10 years too soon, my phone conversations may be listened to, and half the world hates my government, but hey, at least I have clean water, modern plumbing, electricity, a vehicle, a job, and a great family. Yeah I know, things should be a lot better for me, they should be a lot better for all of us. I'm not saying that it's okay for the pricks in charge to do what they're doing, but I'm in no position to do anything about it, so why let it darken my life? Sure, there are truthers out there who can eat this shit up for years at a time and it never bothers them. Maybe they posses a mental fortitude that I don't, or maybe they don't think (really think) about how much pain and personal suffering is involved with whatever conspiracies they're reading. Whatever the reason, I just can't do it anymore. I've spent the last three years of my life in the rabbit hole. In one end and out the other. I don't think there's a conspiracy out there I haven't read about in depth. But that part of my life is over now.

The funny thing is, I probably would have never come to this conclusion if it were not for writing these blogs here on 12160. So I guess I owe James aka adap2k my thanks for creating this ning network. Without it, I'd probably be reading over at WRH right now, fuming about whatever it is that's going on in the world that shouldn't be.

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Comment by Gilgamesh on May 6, 2010 at 3:22am: I intend on it Vince. I've learned through the loss of my brother to never take my family for granted. I fear the day that my mother passes. She is not a very healthy person and I fear that she wont be around many more years. Luckily, her home is right on my way to work, so I stop and see her a couple times a week. We always spend some time together on Wednesday watching South Park together :) I'm sorry to hear about your mother. If you're a "momma's boy" like me, I know it hurt bad. Thanks for your comments.

Comment by Gilgamesh on May 6, 2010 at 3:03am: I'm sure I'll jump back in at some point. It's becoming a family trait to be a truther: My father has recently retired from the positions of S.Michigan RCO for the Norfed Liberty Dollar, and state coordinator for We The People foundation. He's still in the rabbit hole though. He's found a good balance that hopefully, with time, I'll inherit. Thanks for the gift Vince.

Comment by Gilgamesh on May 6, 2010 at 1:58am: Well Greg, I wish I could just forget everything I've learned and live in ignorance. God knows that's the easier road to travel. But I can't just forget everything. The only thing I can do is avoid the topic. See, I'm a very emotional person. There's no grey area with me, it's all or nothin'. That's just who I am. And so it is with myself and the world of truth, I'm either totally encompassed by it, or totally avoidant of it. Unfortunately I can't live in that world anymore. I dedicated three years of my life to that world: attempting to educate people, signing and perpetuating petitions, campaigning for Ron Paul, even printing up and handing out informative pamphlets. But I can't continue on that road, at least not at this point in my life. Things are much to hard to frustrate myself with things that I can't control. I would literally cry myself to sleep some nights thinking about the atrocities going on around the world, the social and political injustice in my country, and the blatant attacks on personal liberties that our forefathers fought and died to bestow upon us. I got to the point where it became physically strenuous to not grab random people by their face and scream at them "open your eyes you fucking idiot, look what they're doing to us". I don't know if I failed to explain how much this was affecting me or not, but needless to say, it was getting very nasty in my head.
Maybe someday I'll get back into it, maybe next election season. But for now, I need a break. My kids need their happy daddy back, and so do I.

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