Do not attempt to adjust your dial. We will control reality and we will lie like dogs. A strong economy is no good, record employment is terrible, and swarms of illegal aliens are great!

As Majority Speaker of The House I vow never to give President Trump his wall!

Yes Nancy Pelosi thanks to you I can now take a dump on the streets of San Francisco now instead in there!

We're the Podesta Brothers and Bob Mueller didn't give a damn if we did billions of dollars of business with Russia! Thanks Bob! Yeah we're foreign agents so what?

I'm with the LGBTQ and I can claim any damn gender that I want! I'll even disintegrate your bathrooms!

Hell no you can't have those unredacted FISA Court Documents! I'm with the Deep State you know! 

I just got out of the Democrat Chambers the smell of bullshit was so strong I just couldn't take it anymore! 

Jesus there's human shit all over the sidewalks of San Francisco! Nancy what the hell did you do?

Venezuela! Venezuela! The Democrats kept raving about only using one sheet of toilet paper and look what happened!

Now repeat after me. Socialism is good! Socialism is good!

We just came up with a new answer for school shootings! You just throw this at the gunman once the box of rocks gets used up! That'll teach'em!

What do you mean green with envy? Just because we Democrats couldn't restore the economy, create more jobs, or improve international trade like Trump did? Baaaaaaa!

This is not the hand that groped that young attractive hot internist! This is not the hand that groped that well endowed little vixen that was just begging for it!

That's far enough! As a US Border Agent I am authorized to ask you if you're seeking sanctuary from injustice in your shit hole country!

Look deep into my eyes and ask me if we Democrats really give a damn about over spending and costly investigations that lead no where?

Being that I'm with the IRS I don't give a damn about your rights and my superiors get away with persecuting conservatives all the time so......

Ask this idiot if he knows the difference between Socialism and free enterprise? We need dumb bastards like this!

Don't worry that Heroin just came in fresh from over the border and the Democrats are going to make sure Trump won't get the wall! 

I just keep repeating to myself over and over again. Nancy Pelosi isn't insane. Nancy Pelosi isn't insane!

You are now being returned to your regularly scheduled programming. After this you might want to obliterate your TV and go talk to your dog or the neighbor's if you don't have one!