By Marklar
September 28th 2009

As has been noted elsewhere while some protesters at the G20 were granted the permits they had applied for while others protested in unpermitted and unlawful assemblies. One such group was the Pittsburgh Police Department, an extremist militant organization bent upon disrupting peaceful protesters as a political statement against the US Constitution and against the idea of peaceful change itself.

Officer Norbert, a spokesman for the Pittsburgh Police had this to say to other officers on the police protester lines:

“We’ve seen peaceful protests before and what have they accomplished – nothing I tell you. We’ve seen our brothers in arms at other protests return home without the pride of bearing battle scars that would make their wives ignore their three inch penises because other protesters choose to oppress and marginalize us by remaining non-violent. We’ve seen how our children snicker behind our backs, though some might call them the sobs of pedophilic incest and severe beatings, we know better than that! Enough I say. It’s time to show these grandmothers and students, these so-called dissidents, these worms of peace that only irrational violence and unwavering obeisance to authority can build a better and more civil society.”

“Some even have the temerity to defend that satanically inspired document some call the constitution during their protest, especially that most insidious and horrid provision in favor of ‘freedom of speech’. Well, I’m here to tell you that speech will not be tolerated and I shall shout it out from the sidewalks, I shall yell it from our bullhorns, I shall scream it from public address systems, and I will beat it into the head of every protestor or bystander I see.”

“It’s time to show the peaceful powers that be that only swift and blinding hatred followed by senseless violence can create and maintain civilization, and the American way of life.”
After the pep talk the Pittsburgh Police proceeded to accost peaceful demonstrators and bystanders alike using truncheons, chemical weapons, and high tech sound weapons.

One bystander, beaten bloody and suffering from anally delivered chemical irritants wielded by the Police opined “If only there were somebody a person could call, somebody sworn to uphold the constitution and charged with protecting the public and maintaining order. Maybe then we could see an end to these violent protests.”

A peaceful protester remarked, “These guys (Pittsburgh Police) are totally Astroturf, I’ve been hearing rumors for months that these guys are actually being PAID to be here! I mean, when you think about it how else could they afford identical mutant ninja turtle costumes?” Shortly afterward the same peaceful protester was dragged into an unmarked Winnebago by a group of green clad clowns whose purpose for being at the G20 remains unclear considering the rather unfunny nature of their antics. We have been unable to contact the protester for further comment.

More of the G20 in pictures:

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