12.160MHz
By Marklar M. Marklar
July 06, 2009

What do you think of when you hear the word Washington? If you’re like most people then words like, graft, organized crime, military industrial complex, lies, lobbyists, sex scandal, war crimes, and even murder capital USA might immediately spring to mind.

Unfortunately there is another place with the unfortunate name of Washington, a whole state in fact. The problem with this is that lazy Americans consistently refer to Washington, D.C. as Washington or even WA (the official postal abbreviation for Washington State). With Washington DC gaining more and more of a reputation for corruption and for invading other nations this presents a big PR problem for the state not to mention a highly dangerous security situation in which foreign terrorists may unintentionally attack the wrong Washington. It is no wonder then that the Governor of Washington State, Christine Gregoire, declared today that the State of Washington would henceforth be known as the State of Jefferson after the US founding father Thomas Jefferson.

“It wasn’t an easy decision”, said Governer Gregoire “In fact Jefferson was our second choice. With a nuclear armed North Korea just across the water from us and that other Washington bending over backwards to piss them off , our first instinct was to rename our state Kim Jong Illinoise. Unfortunately a Google search showed that Kim Jong Illinoise is already being used by a small populated island off the coast of North Korea. Worse yet, kimjongillinoise.gov was already taken as well.“

To accompany the name change the Washington State Legislature commissioned internationally acclaimed African-American artist and Seattle area resident, Rosco Jenkins, to design a new Seal for the State of Jefferson (Shown here beside the former State Seal of Washington). “Obviously,” Governor Gregoire intoned, “there was a bit of a mix up as to which Jefferson we were referring to when we commissioned Mr. Jenkins. However, we decided that we needed to push this change through as quickly as possible, so we figured ‘screw it’.” The new seal was approved in a unanimous vote by the Washington, now Jefferson, State Legislature with little debate. “Personally I’m just glad we were able to replace that repulsive shade of blue. Seriously, it looks like somebody threw up on the hull of a small boat then used the putrid color the boat was painted to paint directly over the puke in order to hide it,” said the governor.

In addition to the name change, state legislators also approved $6.5 billion dollars for getting the state removed altogether from Google Earth which is well known to be the core technology upon which North Korean ballistic missile guidance systems are based. The proposed Google Earth view shown here is the same one leaked onto the internet last month which temporarily caused housing prices to spike in Southwest Canada, Western Idaho and Northern Oregon as Wall Street speculators were fooled into snapping up the new ‘beach front’ properties sight unseen.

"We can only hope that North Korea has their automatic updates turned on," commented one legislator.

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