12.160MHz
By Marklar M. Marklar
July 03, 2009

Recently a respected judge from New York, Judge Richard Posner, has suggested a ban on interweb hyperlinks in order to save the floundering newspaper industry.

Experts at UC Berkely were quick to point out that Judge Posner seems to be mega illiterate when it comes to interweb technology saying , “Judge Posner seems to be mega illiterate when it comes to interweb technology.” Less redundantly they also pointed out that, “The interweb is a series of tubes, man. These tubes were built for a purpose and that purpose is to carry hyperlinks and hypertexts dig? If you take away the hyperlinks and hypertexts there’s no reason for those tubes to exist.”

Indeed, your browser confirms this right in your address bar where every address starts with http which stands for hypertexts tube protocol. Without hypertexts this would become simple tp or tube protocol, and who needs a protocol to control empty tubes.

Not to be outdone, Mustaffa Greenbaum of the FFEF (Fiends For Easy Fleecing), a Washington DC based arch neo-con think tank , held a press conference in front of Roy’s Liquor Emporium today saying, “It’s obvious that Judge Posner’s recommendation is a bit radical. The interweb would cease to exist as we know it if his proposal were implemented so we’ve come up with a more moderate solution to this grave problem.”

“It’s obvious when you think about it”, Mr Greenbaum continued. “Right now newspapers have a right to copyright their creative works, their word configurations if you prefer. We propose that it is only natural to allow newspapers to extend their copyright to all words in printed form as well as their combinations and configurations.”

Asked by cub reporter Helen Thomas as to whether this would have the effect of stifling free speech, Mr. Greenbaum’s assistant Carlos Nguyen replied, “I don’t think you understand. The FFEF is a patriotic organization which fully supports the constitution including free speech. The copyright regarding individual words would only apply to words made from letters. Bloggers would still be free to communicate over the webernet using pictograms such as Egyptian hieroglyphs and graphically depicted sign language. We’re not trying to get rid of free speech here. We just want to slow it down a bit so that the newspaper industry has a fair chance to be competitive in the free market.”

Apparently dozens of pre-screened random by passers agreed with the proposal since dozens of them proclaimed their support as the FFEF distributed free guns, bibles and liquor throughout the rest of the afternoon in exchange for contractual blood oaths of loyalty.

Local FFEF supporter Swen Running Bear summed up the crowd’s enthusiasm saying, “Pictures good, words bad.” Indeed Swen, this unbiased reporter couldn’t have said it better.

Copyright ©2009, Your Mamma.