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I'd say I'm more than half in agreement with this article. But I would say there are some finer distinctions to be drawn here.
I guess I am a post feminist or recovering feminist man in the sense that I think it's ok and, at least for many people, natural, for a man to want to be "the man," and take the lead in a relationship. And I agree many women respond positively to that stance, consciously and/or subconsciously, and whatever the "illuminati" do to muddy the waters, a lot of that psychology is embedded in our DNA, evolutionary history, and perhaps in our stars.But I think ideally a man who would take the lead has to be WORTHY of that role, which in my book means being as honorable, honest, conscious, and confident as possible about it.
When it breaks down into the man using actual violence / coercion / intimidation and other such chimp-level behavior in ways that are out of control and raise the possibility of domestic violence charges and intervention by outside authorities, I see those more as symptoms of fear, weakness, and ignorance/incivility. Such behavior may work for chimps, and may succeed in establishing a cheap kind of dominance, but I would say it is not an ideal situation for more sentient people. Those tactics are not so loving nor do they promote what I would call real understanding between people. (It's hard to know what someone really thinks or feels when they are afraid to speak honestly for fear of a violent reaction.)
I agree with the article that the man in this relationship probably took a wrong turn at the start. If I were the man in that story, I hope I would look first at my own part in letting things get out of hand. I hope I would see that I failed to set the proper boundaries, expectations and understandings about what I would and would not accept and what I wanted. It sounds like this fellow let the women in his life walk all over him for a good while, and the male-dominant behavior didn't come out until he was at the end of his rope and angry (and again, IMO, if you dig under the anger you will find insecurity/fear). It sounds like it came out in a somewhat aggressive, out-of-control way that may or may not have genuinely traumatized the women in his life, but certainly exposed him to unwanted criticism and consequences.
I do agree that the confusion and blurring of gender roles is one way that the populace is divided and conquered at present. But to say, "a woman can have power or love, but she can’t have both" to me is simplistic and can be used to justify what I would call thuggish dominance, or fear/intolerance of a woman who has a voice and her own mind. A man who is strong, confident, honest with himself and others, and clear about what he wants and what he will and won't tolerate can be secure enough to engage with a woman who has personal power of her own without surrendering his own power or letting her walk all over him.
I have actually been in relationships where the male-dominant aspect went to the degree of both of us understanding that I had the right to correct and discipline my girl. But, being secure in that understanding, there was never and IMO should never be any "shoving," which to me is an out-of-control, fear-based, frightening, reactive, and overly aggressive behavior. Ideally any disciplining that I do, especially if it's physical, should be purposeful and measured. In my experience, surprising as it may seem from a feminist standpoint, that flavor of taking charge has never failed to build intimacy and passion.
I grew up with a controlling and abusive mother (of course she denies this and the beatings but my siblings are witnesses). My father is a retired professor so this goes on at all levels ( my father was not or is controlling or abusive ). I then thought it was normal to be abused by people and received the most violent of abuse by my ex. Of course he having money was able to get me labelled a liar and crazy (now changed as my daughter wants justice for abuse of the worst kind yet to be charged or go to court due to him being overseas most of the time. But it will happen as my daughter is now 17 and she has her friends she confided in even if I cannot get justice for what happened to me)So yes I know how one is conditiioned.But I did not repeat the abuse to my children even though I took it.
Now we have the Child Support Agency to help destroy many men and families.Women have this power and if they do not use it, as in my case, you will be forced to apply. This then was used to destroy my career and assets by lies by my ex to the CSA so I was left after fleeing with almost nothing to support my very abused daughters.Long long story.
Now if anyone does not believe the power of abused children being controlled to do terrible things to people you should hear what I had to go through. One daughter was eventually protected from this man who went to school with the reptile Prince Charles. She does not remember what she did to me and seems almost normal now.I could not keep a broom in the house or it would be broken on me (the bruises but I was used to bruises).I could not retaliate ; this is what was wanted as I would be charged.I had one day to just sit there as acetone was tipped over me and a match lit. I could do nothing. Fortunately it was not thrown on me. People are burnt with the most horrific injuries with this.
I once came down straight onto ceramic tiles after my legs were hit in a certain way which would often kill people; where did she learn these things (of course I know). The police and others would say my injuries were self inflicted until they could not deny my daughter injuries and then DHS protected both daughters.
But as he had money the police , I allege were paid off. The charges on assault on a minor were dropped.
Not dropped on me and I faced ten years jail for yelling at this man as he stalked me or for when I rescued my daughters from him.
I know both how women can manipulate and control (parents) and how children can be so brainwashed and traumatised to do almost murder.It is not nice.
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