Inside My Head

I'm living inside my head
Don't know whether if I'm better off dead
Just like these tears I sometime shed
What debt do I owe for the blood of Jesus shed?

Most of my life I was misled
Delusions of grandeur I got instead
Despite the knowledge from all the books I read
I had so many mouths that needed to be fed,

Lord God I just don't know anymore
All I know now is that my feet are flat on the floor
What perceptions are there when I open that door?
The fool that I am could I suffer anymore?

I stood on this precipice so high
With arms outstretched and eyes dry
I was ready to take off and fly
Then there were repercussions my oh my,

How did I end up without love so late in life?
As though I were an unwitting victim of a knife
You have to work hard to create this kind of strife
Unable to find the trustworthy wife,

Now I'm stumbling down this winding path
Trying to avoid that evil wrath
With no where else to go
And nothing left to show,

I did what I should have done
Even though those who needed me weighed a ton
They wouldn't have noticed had I climbed a mountain
The point was I became the prodigal son,

Too smart to be a complete fool
Yet, somehow we become someone else's tool
This they never teach you in school
Becoming entangled in the golden rule,

Here I am uncovering archaeological remains
Trying to make sense of losses and gains
Dealing with the narrowly missed chance at fame
Knowing always I'll never be the same,

For all the love for which I bled
Was it hopelessness or something that someone said?
White becomes yellow and purple is red
And here I lie alone in my bed.