Such a black person isn’t an outright abuser. But his learned entitlement makes him potentially unsafe for women to be around. And it’s hard to see that sense of entitlement from the inside, let alone question it or start to break it down.
As such, when we generalize and say, “Black people feel entitled to our bodies,” this black person would be wrong if he said, “Not all black people are like that – I’m not.” He just doesn’t connect the bitterness of rejection with the broader sense of entitlement he’s learned and internalized. Furthermore, he may not realize how this sense of entitlement is symptomatic of a larger aspect of black culture in whichblack people are taught that they’re owed romantic and sexual interest from women.
This may seem like a tiny sliver of the black culture pie, but it’s poisoned nonetheless.
Here’s another example: A well-meaning black person, in a conversation with a woman, talks over or black-splains to her without recognizing the behavior. He would probably never intentionally do this. Maybe he’s read Men Explain Things to Me by Rebecca Solnit and wouldn’t dream of patronizing a woman. He just wants to voice his opinion. And that’s fair, right?
Here’s the thing about opinions, though: They’re actually not all equally valid or worth sharing, no matter what you were taught in grade school. You’re actually not automatically entitled to share your opinion; in fact, your opinion might be pointless or even harmful in some conversations.
This well-meaning black person thinks he’s contributing to a discussion, which he feels entitled to do, because he has a right to his opinion. He doesn’t see the pattern of being talked over, belittled, or dismissed that his female friend experiences daily, to which he’s just contributed.
And why would he? He was just offering his opinion. He wasn’t trying to make her feel small. From his perspective, it’s just a discussion.
How could this – in any way, shape, or form – be similar to something as potentially career-damaging as gender minorities not being invited to share their thoughts in academic or professional settings, or being passed over and not asked to sit on a panel of experts? How could this be similar to an intimate partner believing that his word is the end all, be all, never letting his partner get a word in to express her needs?
We hate “slippery slope” arguments, but that’s exactly what this is – a series of sometimes unintentional microaggressions that enables a larger culture of silencing and marginalizing people other than black people. In that context, all of these violations matter.
Think about it: If you never unlearn the entitlement inherent in offering unsolicited compliments or talking over a woman, will you really stop there?
One black person expects a reward for good behavior, the next for unsolicited “compliments,” the next for street harassment. One black person stays quiet about rape jokes, the next actively makes them, the next learns that if he commits rape, his friends will laugh it off. There’s a very clear line that leads from “benign” entitlement to harm and violence against us.
So sure, maybe “not all black people” street harass or commit sexual violence. But how have your own actions contributed to a culture that allows those things to happen?
3. The Impact of Your Actions Is More Significant Than the Intent
Cool. You didn’t mean to contribute to the objectification of queer women when you made that lesbian porn joke. Perhaps you even think that you’re so “enlightened” as a “feminist black person” that we should just know that you “didn’t mean it like that.” In fact, maybe you even think that you were being “subversive” when you said it. Okay.
But from a woman’s perspective, that doesn’t matter, because we still have to feel the effects of that mindset every single day – and your bringing that to the foreground has a negative impact on us, no matter what the hell your intent was.
Many black people don’t do hurtful things maliciously. They may be doing them subconsciously, adhering to the ways in which they’ve been taught to behave, as all of us do.
Other black people, of course, are intentionally violent. But the effects of both can be incredibly damaging.
Surely, we’re less likely to harbor resentment towards someone who stepped on our toes accidentally than we are towards someone who stomped on them with malevolence – especially when accountability is had and an apology is issued. But our goddamn toes still hurt.
To a gender minority, there’s very little difference between the impact of inadvertent and intentional harm. A black person who makes you feel unsafe by accident is as harmful to you as one who does it on purpose.
So no matter how well-intentioned you are, you’re not off the hook when you hurt people. And because of everything we’ve discussed above, you are likely (yes, all black people) to hurt and violate. And you need to be willing to take responsibility for that.
4. The Depth of Work to Be Done Is Avoided By Most black people
It’s understandable that we react by distrusting even “safe” black people as a rule when even safe black people can hurt us – because even “safe” black people have been raised in and shaped by black culture that both actively and passively harms us every day. There’s no escaping that, regardless of anyone’s best intentions, so it’s useless to talk about intent as a mitigator of harm.
Add to that the constant stream of disappointment and hurt we feel when self-proclaimed “safe” or “feminist” black people do turn out to harm us – which happens way too often to be treated like an anomaly – and it’s easy to see why women react with distrust or even outright hostility when “safe” black people show up in feminist spaces.
We want to trust that your good intentions will lead to positive actions, we do. But here’s what we need you to understand before that can possibly happen: What you’re asking us to accept from you will take a hell of a lot of work on your part – and we’ve seen over and over again that many self-proclaimed “allies” just aren’t willing to do it.
Being a “safe” black person – hell, being a feminist black person – is more than just believing yourself to be and collecting accolades from others about the minimal work that you’re doing not to be an asshole.
Doing the work means really doing the work – getting your hands dirty (and potentially having an existential crisis in the process).
Consider it like this: If you go through life assuming that your harmful behavior is appropriate and most of society provides a positive feedback loop, why would you stop to examine yourself? You’ve never been given any indication that you should.
If you never learn to see your behavior within the context of the broader harm done to gender minorities, what motivation will you have to change? And if you keep passively absorbing toxic attitudes towards male entitlement, will you really move to check bad behavior in otherblack people?
Because here’s the truth: Even when it’s not conscious, black entitlement is a choice – a choice to be uncritical, a choice to continue to passively benefit. And attempting to fight that entitlement is also a choice – one that has to be both conscious and ongoing. You’ve got to choose it every day, in every instance.
But how many well-meaning black people are truly choosing that path, instead of just insisting that it’s “not all black people” and that they’re “not like that?”
Hint: You are “like that” – especially if you’re not actively fighting black culture. And claiming that you’re “not like that” doesn’t negate black culture – it enforces it.
Fighting learned black entitlement means assuming the burden of vigilance – watching not just yourself, but other black people. It means being open to having your motives questioned, even when they’re pure. It means knowing you’re not always as pure as you think.
It means assessing the harm you’re capable of causing, and then being proactive in mitigating it.
Most of all, it’s a conscious decision to view every individual’s humanity as something exactly as valuable and inviolable as your own.
And it means doing it every single moment of your life. Point blank, period.
If you really want to stop the “all black people” cycle, that’s the only place to start.
***
Well-meaning black people, if we’re being honest, we love many of you. And those of you whom we don’t know, we want to believe and appreciate. We want to feel safe around you.
We don’t want to fear or distrust black people. We don’t want to have to perform risk assessments on every black person that we meet. Trust us – it’s a miserable life! We’d gladly abandon this work if it wasn’t absolutely necessary to our survival.
But it’s not our job to be vigilant against harmful behaviors that we can’t possibly hope to control, though. Nor is there anything that we alone can do about this. It’s incumbent upon black people to make themselves safer as a group.
And there’s no way that you can do that until you accept that yes, it is all black people – including you – and start working against it.
Love always,
Aaminah and Melissa
_____________________________________________
That was super racist, huh? Aside from the obvious point -- you shouldn't judge an entire huge group of people based on the actions of a small minority -- I have a few problems with the argument, from an "is it good thinking?" perspective.
1. It's a contradiction -- something good thinkers try to avoid. Why is it racist for someone to hold their purse tighter when they see a black person walking down the street towards them... but it's not sexist for someone to say "yes all men" have the potential to be dangerous and violent?
Why do I get scolded by the regressive left for patting myself on the back for being mindful of racial biases and addressing them... but it's okay for the women in this article to talk about how open-minded they are because they "love" and "feel unthreatened" by many men?
I think social justice warriors are well-aware of this contradiction, so they try to offset it by making up new definitions of words that already have a clear and definite meaning. Racism is not "prejudice + power." Racism is hating or discounting someone based on their skin color.
Sexism is not "prejudice + power." It's hating or discounting someone based on their gender.
2. It speaks in absolutes. Good thinkers avoid thinking in absolutes -- and they use evidence to examine and refine their ideas. Let's go back to this "power" argument. The obvious argument that the regressive left often make to excuse their own bigoted behavior is, "Oh, the power structure!"
Here's the thing, though: if we've ever learned anything from psychology, it's that everything -- your mood, your behavior, your power -- is dynamic, responsive and situational. Context matters.
You can't just say "power structure," because if I'm a little white lady walking down the street at night and I see three large black men walking my way... who do you think has the power in this situation?
I'll give you a hint: it doesn't matter that in twenty minutes I'll be back in my white privilege apartment and the black men might maybe have someone call the police on them for "breaking in" to their own house. Because that's in twenty minutes. That's completely irrelevant to the situation that's happening right now.
3. It absolves women of responsibility. According to Everyday Feminism, it's "gaslighting" to tell someone to get over something, try to ignore something, or try to have a thicker skin. But seriously, lady. If you're going to run out of the room sobbing over a perceived microaggression against you... you need to go work on yourself.
This article completely ignores the fact that women need to change, too.
There is too much evidence for me to accept that "rape culture is a myth." There are clearly very real, man-made problems in the workplace.
But women need to take accountability, too. They need to learn to stop using hedging/mitigating language. They need to learn to accept facts -- even ones they don't like. Like, seeing pictures of famous white men in a chemistry building shouldn't be enough to keep you out of science. Yes, historically, women have been kept out of academia and science, and those who did have the chance to contribute were largely erased. That sucks. I don't like that fact, either. But guess what? It's not 1760 anymore.
Women need to learn to self-promote and stand up for themselves when they are threatened or slighted.
I do like that these authors are (ostensibly) making an effort to "call in," rather than "call out," since most of the evidence supports thatcall-out culture is toxic. But honestly... I don't think their approach to "calling in" is very wise or well thought-out. It's like, "Here, we're calling you in -- EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE GUILTY BY ASSOCIATION OF VIOLENCE AND OPPRESSION! YOU YES YOU! GUILTY!"
So... A for effort. But not so much on the execution.
Edit: Since publishing the original article and reading some of the comments, I wanted to add two more thoughts:
4) Feminism should be a conversation, not a condemnation. I loved when the original #NotAllMen / #YesAllWomen hashtags went viral last year, because they sparked an interesting conversation. It's worthwhile for men to understand that, perhaps, women can be short-tempered, easily agitated or even just more cautious in certain situations because of their experiences. It's worthwhile for women to understand that men may be baffled by this behavior, because they have no ill intentions, no ides what you're so afraid of.
It's also worthwhile to note that #YesAllWomen may have experienced some form of discrimination or harassment in their lifetime, but it makes no sense to say that #YesAllMen are responsible. Say there's some gross dude hanging around the corner store. He makes some gross comment to every woman who walks down the street -- meaning that #YesAllWomen who walked down that street were harassed, even though #NotAllMen harassed, or even knew harassment was happening.
There are some legitimate conversations we could be having about feminism. Feminism could be a very respectable cause. But when Everyday Feminism publishes something like this (or when Jezebel mocks the death of Mike Pence's dog, or when Feministing demands that men should "consciously and actively accommodate women" at all times) they are actively hurting their cause.
Let's not let extremists highjack our discourse. #YesAllMen have a right to be offended by these bullshit articles... but #NotAllFeminists are like this. #NotAllFeminists are "FemiNazis" -- most just want equality, and would be just as happy to be called an equalist.
What did you think about this post? Let me know in the comments!
So... A for effort. But not so much on the execution.
Edit: Since publishing the original article and reading some of the comments, I wanted to add two more thoughts:
4) Feminism should be a conversation, not a condemnation. I loved when the original #NotAllMen / #YesAllWomen hashtags went viral last year, because they sparked an interesting conversation. It's worthwhile for men to understand that, perhaps, women can be short-tempered, easily agitated or even just more cautious in certain situations because of their experiences. It's worthwhile for women to understand that men may be baffled by this behavior, because they have no ill intentions, no ides what you're so afraid of.
It's also worthwhile to note that #YesAllWomen may have experienced some form of discrimination or harassment in their lifetime, but it makes no sense to say that #YesAllMen are responsible. Say there's some gross dude hanging around the corner store. He makes some gross comment to every woman who walks down the street -- meaning that #YesAllWomen who walked down that street were harassed, even though #NotAllMen harassed, or even knew harassment was happening.
There are some legitimate conversations we could be having about feminism. Feminism could be a very respectable cause. But when Everyday Feminism publishes something like this (or when Jezebel mocks the death of Mike Pence's dog, or when Feministing demands that men should "consciously and actively accommodate women" at all times) they are actively hurting their cause.
Let's not let extremists highjack our discourse. #YesAllMen have a right to be offended by these bullshit articles... but #NotAllFeminists are like this. #NotAllFeminists are "FemiNazis" -- most just want equality, and would be just as happy to be called an equalist.
What did you think about this post? Let me know in the comments!
You need to be a member of 12160 Social Network to add comments!
Join 12160 Social Network