Chinese Hackers Drop US Government From List of High-Value Targets [Satire]

Chinese Hackers Drop US Government From List of High-Value Targets [Satire]

In a rare announcement from a notoriously publicity-shy group, Chinese hackers revealed today that they were dropping the United States government from their official list of high-value targets. “We have to allocate our time and energy to hacking powerful organizations,” a spokesman for the hackers said. “Right now, calling the United States government an ‘organization’ would be a reach.” He added that the hackers’ ultimate goal had been to hurl the U.S. government into a state of abject paralysis, “and they seem to have already taken care of that on their own.”

The spokesman acknowledged that despite years of compromising U.S. government computers, the hackers had obtained little of value, especially on the hard drives of congressional offices. “Those computers did not appear to be used for anything work-related,” the spokesman said. “Basically all we found were restaurant reservations and porn.”

U.S. stock markets plummeted on the news of the hackers’ downgrade, which was widely denounced by American politicians as a hostile act designed to cripple the economy. “This is an insult to the American people,” said House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-Virginia). “We demand that the Chinese resume hacking us at once.”

But according to the hackers’ spokesman, any chance that they might put the U.S. government back on their list of targets was remote at best. “We need to focus on higher-functioning governments,” he said. “We’re taking a close look at Venezuela.”

Comment

You need to be a member of 12160 to add comments!

Join 12160

Please remember this website is supported by your donations...

12160 NEWS new management/admin info

Putin to Western elites: Play-time is over / The builders of the New World Order have failed

Outrage - Israeli Cartoonist Compares Netanyahu to 9/11 Hijackers - Plane Piloted By NUTTY in to Tower

Why We’re Poorer: Inflation And Deflation Are Now Globalized

Saudi Arabia's "Oil-Weapon" Hits Europe - Iran

China's shadow banking sector growing rapidly, third largest in world: FSB

VIDEO: Inside The Shanghai International Gold Exchange Vaults

German Bank Hits Savers with Negative Interest Rate

Elderly couple fined $80K, raided by Marathon County SWAT because of pallets in their yard

LEAKED VIDEO: Cop Pulls Out His Penis and Begins Masturbating on High School Campus

Maryland Teen Tased By Police 5 Times While In Hospital Dies of ‘Natural Causes’

GOV CLEARS GOV OF WRONG DOING - Ferguson shooting probe of possible grand jury leak wasn't exactly in-depth

Massive Non-Citizen Voting Uncovered in Maryland

50,000 Missing Georgia Voter-Registration Applications? Nothing to See Here

90 Pounds of Cocaine Found on Cargo Ship Owned by Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell’s Father-in-Law

Milton Hall being shot at 46 times by police in the US

Report an Issue

Forum

Ten Most Wanted

Started by mystery in Current News/Events. Last reply by Ra 1 hour ago. 4 Replies

© 2014   Created by truth.

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service

content and site copyright 12160.info 2007-2014 - all rights reserved. unless otherwise noted
var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-48719234-1']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })();