Chinese Hackers Drop US Government From List of High-Value Targets [Satire]

Chinese Hackers Drop US Government From List of High-Value Targets [Satire]

In a rare announcement from a notoriously publicity-shy group, Chinese hackers revealed today that they were dropping the United States government from their official list of high-value targets. “We have to allocate our time and energy to hacking powerful organizations,” a spokesman for the hackers said. “Right now, calling the United States government an ‘organization’ would be a reach.” He added that the hackers’ ultimate goal had been to hurl the U.S. government into a state of abject paralysis, “and they seem to have already taken care of that on their own.”

The spokesman acknowledged that despite years of compromising U.S. government computers, the hackers had obtained little of value, especially on the hard drives of congressional offices. “Those computers did not appear to be used for anything work-related,” the spokesman said. “Basically all we found were restaurant reservations and porn.”

U.S. stock markets plummeted on the news of the hackers’ downgrade, which was widely denounced by American politicians as a hostile act designed to cripple the economy. “This is an insult to the American people,” said House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-Virginia). “We demand that the Chinese resume hacking us at once.”

But according to the hackers’ spokesman, any chance that they might put the U.S. government back on their list of targets was remote at best. “We need to focus on higher-functioning governments,” he said. “We’re taking a close look at Venezuela.”

Comment

You need to be a member of 12160 to add comments!

Join 12160

24 or more hours of member activity


WATCH LIVE: BREAKING NEWS: Cops Chase Hundred Cars in Oakland

Live Stream VIDEO: Protesters #Ferguson protesters being lined up & cuffed in downtown LA -

WATCH LIVE: Ferguson Continues to Protest

Please remember this website is supported by your donations...

12160 NEWS new management/admin info

Meet Ferguson Police Officer Darren Wilson - a total asshole NEWLY POSTED VIDEO 12160.info/page

Report an Issue

Forum

Ferguson -- "Black Lives Matter: -- Correction

Started by Modern Feudal Serf in Current News/Events. Last reply by Burbia 27 minutes ago. 1 Reply

KENNESAW GEORGIA MOSQUE ISSUE

Started by consumer activist in Current News/Events on Tuesday. 0 Replies

© 2014   Created by truth.

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service

content and site copyright 12160.info 2007-2014 - all rights reserved. unless otherwise noted
var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-48719234-1']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })();