Five Reasons Israel Blocks Items from Entering Gaza that You Thought were Safe – (Satire)

1. Musical instruments

Let's face it, nothing annoys anyone more than neighbors that play their music too loud.

During the Vietnam war the U.S. Would use frequency generators and amplifiers to play 'the brown note' into the V.C. tunnels before sending in the tunnel rats. The tunnel rats were soldiers who would enter the tunnels and hunt the V.C. who they would come upon while they were experiencing explosive diareah, the effect of the frequency called 'the brown note'Just imagine how things would go sour for you if you were an IDF soldier kicking down a door in Gaza and suddenly the terrorist family of Hamas supporters living there smacks you in the face with the Macarena played on the accordion, bagpipes, and a cowbell. You'd be pooping your mamma's matsa balls in your pants before you'd even digested them.

Musical instruments are obviously serious weapons of mass pant pooping.

2. Crayons

The young whipper snapper millennials will never understand but some of us grew up watching the world's greatest educational programming, Loony Tunes. We might not remember the preamble to the constitution without singing it the 'Schoolhouse Rock' way that hit us in between cartoons but we sure as hell remember how drawing a train tunnel in a cliff face can bring a train out to try and run over our enemies (just don't try to enter the tunnel yourself) and a hole drawn on the ceiling can drop an acme anvil on top of someone's head.

Physics can be weird. Thank God Loony Tunes has taught us the way.

,.. and the word.

3. Cookies

Cookies are a great treat unless they are burnt. That wouldn't happen in a metal shipping container under the middle eastern sun would it? Of course it would. Even famous Amos isn't as black as the cookies shipped into Gaza.

I bet you think these briquets would only sadden the children of Gaza, but you'd be wrong. You see, not only are these cookies as black as a politician's morals, they are also hard as a rock and Palestinian children often throw rocks at Israeli soldiers. It's obviously better if Hamas Jr has to use native Palastinian rocks because at least that way Israel gets more of their land even if it's only one stone at a time.

Even if that's not enough evidence to wake you up to cookie dangers, check out this News report about Iran's female ninja warriors.

None of the news anchors even noticed when reporting this story but Hamas friendlly Iran has really excelled in weaponized cookie development.

4. Fishing rods

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man how to build cybernetic weaponized sharks and you've given him a way to kill you.

The advances in genetic science and robotics are coming to life even as we speak. With just a Roomba and some genetic samples taken from the ocean even you could do it in your basement. I mean not like now, or actually you but, you know,... if you were actually smart.

Even if you have no enemies just try to tell me you wouldn't want a sleek toothy death machine of a land shark like this parked in your garage. I knew you couldn't.

5. Industrial margarine

Thanks to this Palestinian nursery rhyme Israel has had to block butter shipments into Gaza for hundreds of years.

'Betty Ahmad bought some butter, but, she said, The butter's bitter; If I put it in my jihad, It will make my jihad bitter. But, a bit of better butter will make my jihad better. So, she bought a bit of butter better than her bitter butter, and she put it in her jihad and the jihad was not bitter. So, twas better Betty Ahmad bought a bit of better anti-semitism.'

Try saying that without one of their forked Arab tongues!

Although margarine has been around for hundreds of years it gained a much greater market share in the 1980s and this is where things get terroristy. That was at the same time as miracle toast started to appear throughout the United States. A coincidence? Doubtful.

Surely you BDS freaks think it's silly to ban a divine miracle from Gaza but who are God's chosen people? Is it them? Is it you? Is it the Chinese? Is it the left handed lesbian Eskimo midget albinos? No way Jose!

Views: 81


You need to be a member of 12160 Social Network to add comments!

Join 12160 Social Network



Latest Activity

Boris Badenov commented on Boris Badenov's page video "Police Run Over Armed Suspect To Stop Gunfight During Pursuit".
14 minutes ago
Boris Badenov commented on Boris Badenov's page Oakland Police Arrest IED Bomber who Injured 10 Officers during a Black Lives Matter Protest. You won't hear about this
28 minutes ago
James T. Kirk posted a blog post

5 Unusual Things To Pickle

5 Unusual Things To PickleBy KJ BarberNovember 16, 2018 10:14When it comes to pickling we usually think of the classic options, such as cucumbers and peppers. But there is a whole world of pickling available, covering foods most people wouldn’t ever…See More
29 minutes ago
Raz Putin favorited Diana's photo
37 minutes ago
Jack is now a member of 12160 Social Network
42 minutes ago
James T. Kirk commented on James T. Kirk's video
44 minutes ago
James T. Kirk posted videos
44 minutes ago
Thomas Less posted a blog post

Daily Verse

Open thou mine eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of thy law. — Psalm 119:18 (KJV)See More
2 hours ago
Larry Flinchpaugh posted a photo
2 hours ago
Diana posted discussions
2 hours ago
Timothy Hadfield commented on Boris Badenov's page 'Design errors' faulted in Florida bridge that collapsed: agency
"This is what happens when you recruit minorities instead of experts."
2 hours ago
Timothy Hadfield commented on Boris Badenov's page Tulsi Gabbard : “It is long overdue that we end US complicity in Saudi Arabia’s atrocities.
"Not just support - the US and the UK are actively participating, fighting, in the Saudi/Yemeni war."
3 hours ago
James T. Kirk posted a status
3 hours ago
Diana posted photos
3 hours ago
Diana commented on Fat Freddys Cat's blog post CONFIRMED: Aspartame linked to blood cancers according to 22-year study conducted by researchers at Women’s Hospital at Harvard University (lol, yeah)
"Yet cyclamates were banned in 1969 due to tests that would be the equivalent of consuming 30 cans of diet soda per day, which later research showed that cyclamates are not carcinogenic and although the FDA has stated that a review of all available…"
3 hours ago
James T. Kirk updated their profile
3 hours ago
Diana commented on Raz Putin's blog post So much for "Climate Change Deniers" the real culprit is PG&E.
"The environmental laws passed in the 70's put severe restrictions on forest management and turned the forests into disasters just waiting to happen.  This set California up for the fires which have been occurring in recent years.  It…"
3 hours ago
Diana favorited Raz Putin's blog post Colloidal Silver?! What it is, how to make it. A potential lifesaver!
4 hours ago
Diana favorited Chris of the family Masters's blog post Death doesn’t equal someone’s opinion about death
4 hours ago
Diana commented on Chris of the family Masters's blog post Death doesn’t equal someone’s opinion about death
"Doctors admit they are "Practicing" medicine (A physician, medical practitioner, medical doctor, or simply doctor is a professional who practices medicine.) , they "fix" your ailment with chemicals foreign to your body which…"
4 hours ago

Please remember this website is supported by your donations...

© 2018   Created by truth.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service

content and site copyright 2007-2015 - all rights reserved. unless otherwise noted