It is easy to ignore the danger signals of a potentially toxic relationship. A dangerous partner when a man allows himself to be swayed by looks alone without knowing enough about who he is attracted to and where it might lead is ever present for the single man. The longer a man is alone the greater possibility of such tragedy is likely .Today, more than ever getting to know that potential long term relationship partner or spouse before you become emotionally vulnerable is essential to your survival both financially and psychologically. Making impulsive decisions has a way of ruining one's life. It's easier to do that today than at any time we have known.
The risk for not only women but men has led to potential partners doing background checks for financial instability, domestic violence, and mental health have become common and for good reason. A fast paced society with immediate communication and easily overlooked details is common. Overlooked are the potential red flags as so many seek immediate gratification these days. Yet, we can count on those who seek the easy meat to be penalized time and again when looking back on it didn't see the coming storm, and there were the signs that were readily overlooked!
So you meet a reasonably good looking lady. She dresses decently and seems to be pleasant. You leave her your number as she prefers to call first. Fine. What a surprise! She calls when you least expected it! How nice. Red Flag # 1, she mentions she just broke up with a boyfriend or husband and she needs a friend to help her see it through! If you get emotionally tangled with a woman undergoing the stress of a breakup, that she very well could be the cause of you're begging for trouble. One thing is for sure, most women will vacillate under these circumstances being burdened with guilt, second thoughts, maybe even thinking of going back! Chances are if you decide to go to bed with this babe you will be in for an emotional roller coaster and when it's all said and done, you will get hurt and rejected because after all her reassurances now she's not sure of anything anymore, and Captain Mattress, you took the bait!
Red Flag # 2) The brazen adulteress! One time while at a bar I was seated next to a couple and when the guy got up to use the restroom, the very attractive babe turned to me and propositioned me and left me with her phone number on a match cover. I mean, this lady, could have been Play Girl of the Month! Two reasons I didn't bite. 1) Didn't want to hurt the guy. 2) I had been dumped by my fiance' recently and wasn't looking for my heart to be torn out of my chest again! I mean, there was a moral motive somewhere in that response not to mention the fact that a man should anticipate anything he sees a woman do to her partner prior to you will be exactly what she's capable of doing to you! Dude this is not a fair world . The good guy does not get reciprocated by the beseeched woman most often it just doesn't happen!
I was once at a wealthy restaurant owner's house who was practically a celebrity in Dallas and he had appeared on TV. His Margarita mix was on all supermarket shelves! I'm not naming names. I was performing some service there when his young bride, the same one on at least two large paintings downstairs featuring her and her over confident and older hubby staring knowingly into her eyes. It's a Latin thing I guess. Anyway I'm in their bedroom and she sits on the couch next to me and begins pulling off her panty hose and panties and all with some very alluring tanned and smooth legs that led all the way up that short skirt of hers to heaven! Now, I was married at the time and had young kids to support and my discretion went grudgingly into overdrive. Maybe she's caught the dude screwing around and was looking for revenge. I don't know, but that was a little too weird for me to take up on. And what would have happened had I taken the bait and gotten emotionally tangled with this little vixen owned by a very rich and influential man? People have been killed for less!
Red Flag # 3) Emotional health. Though many of us single and divorced men could swear that mental health issues are tantamount to all women, let's be a little less generalized here! A rule to live by with a woman in order to help increase the odds of a good outcome for you is what kind of a relationship did she have with her Daddy? How happy was her childhood growing up? Was there child abuse, physical, emotional, sexual, or all three? I guarantee you after my three divorces that the aforementioned problems are maybe the greatest contributing factors to women having issues such as depression, sexual dysfunction, mood swings, obsessive compulsive behavior, and Bi-polar disorder! These are the inexplicable reactions that make no sense and do not seem to be appropriate for normal non-confrontational situations. In other words you're treating her well but for no reason at all she lashes out at you, starves you for sex and then blames you for being upset over it, not to mention the blatant disrespect you have suddenly and unjustifiably have been subjected to!
Why? The very first male figure a daughter will ever learn from when it comes to romance and intimacy is Dad! If Dad violates her much less a step dad or uncle, or stranger, her normal psychological boundaries have been violated and so has her trust! I don't care how much she proclaims that the 12 step program she took, the relationship counselor she saw for months, or the psychiatrist who treated her, she will never recover. No, it's not her fault, but you must realize your relationship with someone like this will be a struggle and the future will be difficult at best. Seriously consider whether you will ever want a partner who is already doomed to be suffering a lifelong detriment that will affect your relationship, your future, and even your financial security if you build a family with this train wreck of a personality! Think it over no matter how good the sex seems at first, no matter how willing she aims to please in the beginning! When those demons hit and they will hit more often as the familiarity of family life takes her back to the past, and guess who will be her punching bag and blame target? You! Life is already challenge enough and the old fairy tall line of BS that, "Love conquers all and if we love each other enough, we can overcome anything," sorry Gumby that just doesn't work in the real world, but boy does it sound good!
Red Flag # 4 Medication! Is she on an anti-depressant? Is she on any medication that has psychological side effects? If she is, take this very seriously! If you don't think this could be an issue try reading "Doctor Jekyll and Mister Hyde" by Robert Louis Stevenson. Probably one of the best unintentional stories of what an illicit drug or prescription medication can do to the personality of anyone, but, in particular, your woman! Stevenson's inspiration for one of the most famous horror stories ever written came from the misunderstood and widely abused drug introduced to western society in its infancy as a cure all, Cocaine! Only after much misuse and misdiagnosed prescription did the public and the medical profession find that cocaine has many alarming psychological effects leading to manic disorders, paranoid schizophrenia, stroke, and seizures! Carefully listen to any TV ad extolling the virtues of the latest new prescription for psoriasis, smoking withdrawal, and even cholesterol, and you will hear the incredible list of disclaimers made over the new medication from sudden uncontrolled urges for sex to sudden bouts with suicide or any unusual behaviors.
Red Flag # 5) Her baggage! What did her last husband, boyfriend, or succession of lovers do to her emotional health, her sense of trust, and her convictions over commitment? Did she tell you that you are so wonderful that you completely changed her outlook on life and relationships? Really? Like, everyday is not Valentines Day? Because you are just Mister Candy Man now. Mister Magic, who made all the bad memories go away. Right? Well, better think again. Better get to know her real well before making any kind of commitment. These unreal assurances that you accept so readily and believe in are nothing for a woman so say in a moment of happiness as you will soon find that whatever a woman says is completely subject to the moment and cannot be used as a hitching post for the future! I have heard so many promises and bright predictions from women for our wondrous future together only to find that words mean nothing without action behind them!
How about her past? How many times has she been divorced? Who does she blame for the divorce? How many boyfriends has she had? You better find out before her little slips of the tongue reveal a character and conduct that in now way resembles the kind of person she claims to act like in front of you. Does she have male friends who cheat on their spouses? Does she not seem to care about who she hangs around with? Or, does she try to surround herself with good people whom help to influence her to do the right things? They say you can judge a person by the company they keep. Often times, this can be true, but knowing the unpredictable nature of women I have seen women with good solid and stable friends who are out of control mattress queens! There are no guarantees, but it's not always how many partners she has had as much as what those partners she did have affected her attitude and emotional behavior. If she has no trust there will be no faith in your relationship with her.
Red Flag # 6) Adviso. Women are simply wired differently then men. Most of them start out delicately and become hardened by life. Some come out of the womb already insane with no operating instructions! Unfortunately, most women do not realize how their harsh words and contradictory behavior tend to confuse and push away their mate to the point that he loses patience and loses his desire to stick around her and absorb more verbal and mental abuse leading her to stray blaming him for not being there for her, or he tired of being rejected ends up falling into the arms of another! The pitfalls of human nature ensure difficulties now add society's growing immoral influences converting people into narcissistic drama queens seeking immediate gratification just about nails the coffin lid on the possibility of a successful marriage shut! Don't make impulsive decisions based upon physical attraction! Also, never trust that what any woman tells you about the future between the two of you. It is nothing more than pertains to this moment in time, that's it! You will regret that whimsical and fleeting heartfelt remark that in the end will probably mean nothing! You can't hold women to their word.