In today’s high casualty rate marriages the last ditch effort is usually the marriage counselor. With what I have personally seen, I would say most of them are there making a living, uninvolved in the success of the couples looking to them for guidance and help, and who have plenty of issues themselves. I have even known a couple of counselors, psychiatrists, psychologists, who had severe relationship problems and even abused their own spouses. That really is pretty frightening when considering that a troubled couple are relying heavily on someone like this.

When the doctor becomes the cause

It is very apparent when considering the appalling statistics I will present to you that people pay dearly to doctors and physicians who often border on being incompetent and even worse. One Reader’s Digest article reported that 23% of all doctors anonymously polled admitted that they suffered from a psychological disorder that could affect the diagnosis and treatment of their patients! One might recall a 60 Minutes TV Special that aired and presented the incredible abuse of male marriage counselors who took advantage of their female patients going through marital chaos and had sex with not only one patient but several. Little did the husbands know that their troubled relationship with their wife was about to be exploited by counselors who knowingly had a powerful influence over their women patients.

Internal corruption

This was an outrageous violation of the Hippocratic Oath that was in epidemic proportions in the late 1970’s and early 1980’s as an out of control mental health industry was shamelessly exploiting their patients with no apparent policing being practiced by the supposed professionals at all! Blindly trusting the medical profession to do what it was supposedly qualified and paid to perform was more of an illusion than a reputable profession. One might recall the book “The Medical Heretic” released in 1973 that blew the whistle on shocking violations of the doctor patient trust and what we would consider ethical practices, but most of these case revelations were of a medical and surgical nature, but there is little doubt that the same level of negligence was taking place in the mental health field as well.

Inept professionals

From personal experience I would rather refer to marriage counselors as “Divorce Processors” with the so-called medical professional blaming couples for this because they have come for help way too late, but I will tell you from what I have seen and experienced it is due to their lack of concern for their patients and lack of commitment to those that are relying on them for professional help. In most cases of marital crisis either one of the spouses may be having an affair while the other emotionally afflicted partner is just barely hanging on and trying to salvage the relationship.

 

A common situation

What’s the reaction of the counselor as intense and tearful moments may be taking place? Why you’re well trained and committed professional is busy glancing up at the clock after asking you how do you feel after finding out your wife’s been cheating on you? Then they will dutifully turn to the spouse who’s cheating asking the same rhetorical question! You’ll be lucky if your counselor is not just staring off into space as if they’re watching a science fiction movie after smoking a joint! Of course, already knowing that the relationship is on the rocks anyway, they will make some vague suggestions and begin scheduling several half hour sessions that can cost $150.00 each if not more so that they can make a living while one or both spouses spill their guts, blame each other for past pain they inflicted upon each other, or simply begin arguing over old issues that have never been resolved as the counselor sits quietly, maybe taking notes, or in some cases it might be a woman siding with the woman, who by the way who is the one having the affair because she has such a low sense of self-esteem so maybe that should be the priority right now as the man attempts to relieve the feeling of his heart being ripped out of his chest!

Juicy proposition

Once again we see the political correctness of liberal presumption rearing its clueless head as the female who is traditionally assumed to be the victim succeeds in getting the woman counselor on her side even though she’s the unfaithful spouse causing the disruption and heartache in the about to self-destruct marriage. Of course, this will play right into the counselor’s hands as now even if they cannot mitigate the separation or divorce they can now further exploit the grief of the soon to be estranged partners by offering to see them individually to make the transition into that new life of being a single adult again! And in most cases having the influence of being an authority figure in the midst of the crisis they can now capitalize and double their professional fees, of course conveniently paid by the health insurance coverage until those benefits dry up!

The paradox

Admittedly, much help only comes without consistent treatment as many couples do not have the financial resources without insurance coverage, are unwilling to spend the exorbitant charges anyway, or more often than not, one spouse, the cheater, is refusing to cooperate or help their partner anyway as things are going just hunky dory for the one who is in the nirvana of an extramarital affair that has their juices flowing and their infatuation burning with desire. The two extreme opposites in the troubled marriage, the counselor claims are what makes effective treatment impossible! Oh really! Then what do they need you for anyway?

When the treatment is worse than the ailment

In truth, the illusion of the medical industry supposedly being there for us when we are confronted with cancer, divorce, depression, or catastrophic care often blinds us to the shameless way we are being herded like cattle to the slaughter. If it’s not the toxicity of many prescriptions we are instructed to take that may make our health worse then there are the crushing costs that the industry makes little effort to control like the typical products and services we pay for in the retail or commercial markets who must give us the best commodity for the money as there are plenty of competing brands who want our business. For some reason inside the medical industry there seems no cost controls due to open market competition with health insurance companies who would rather simply deny coverage as opposed to negotiating with the medical providers for more competitive pricing which allows for the consumer to participate as well.

Dead end Street

So, where does this leave the embattled married couple attempting to hold onto their broken union? Are they within the invisible grip of a profession that realistically will not provide any solution the majority of the time, may lead to even more costs that further the misery, and even entice the female partner from reconciling because she now finds a safe harbor in the arms of the trusted medical professional that was supposed to be counseling her and her husband? It would seem that the above mentioned outcome is in all likelihood, predictable.  This is the sad case of the modern day affair, the trap created by the medical community, and the unsuspecting victims (Spouses) who will unwittingly agree to all of it while still being consigned to the inevitable prospect of divorce!

Despicable Conclusion

This is not to say that there are not some truly concerned professionals doing the best they can. The divorce statistics are now about 43% in Christian unions and a bit more 50% in secular marriages. It seems women who are now present in the work place more than ever before having found a new source of self-esteem and self-importance outside the marriage with new friendships forged at work, the sense that as a last resort even if their marriage fails they still have their career, their all-consuming profession, and the kids, the true casualties will just have to sort it all out themselves as God knows Mommy needs a reason beyond kids to feel proud and Daddy can always come on designated weekends for a visit! Let us remember according to David Rockefeller when he admitted to Aaron Russo that the whole women’s liberation movement and equal right to go out into the workforce to compete against men did not evolve out of social justice for women, it originated out of the government realizing that Mom and Dad in the workforce doubled income tax revenue as future generations of kids would now be victimized by broken homes and absentee parents!

 

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Comment by Sweettina2 on July 19, 2019 at 3:44pm

I've seen a handful of counselors, psychologists, I've never found one to be helpful. My second husband sent ME to marriage counseling, he actually came on to me!! My husband was a 6ft2 cop and that meant nothing to him! I literally ran out crying. I actually got a degree in psychology to fix myself!

Counselors don't have all the answer, psychologists surely don't, it actually depends upon you hearing yourself talk. See, when our ears hear a problem, our brain automatically begins searching for the answers or solutions. It sets things in motion. The counselor may ask a question, or state something that facilitates you in this, but it's our own brain that formulates the solution or conclusion.

I went to a biker church that had a biker for a preacher, I did benefit from talking with him. 

Comment by Doc Vega on July 19, 2019 at 2:30pm

cheeki kea Once again a thoughtful comment. I think that so-called marriage counselors have gotten away with a lot of very unprofessional practice and no one has called them on it in a long time and from my experience there are just some people who shouldn't be in their profession. Sad part is that it gives the good ones a bad reputation too.

Comment by cheeki kea on July 19, 2019 at 8:14am

So true Doc V, counsellors Are more likely recruited into the field when they have experienced similar situations to those they 'help'. Employers believe they are better suited to the roles when they can can naturally commiserate and empathize with their clients. ( in other words when they have Failed themselves ! ) They should bring in those who have Not failed, a counsellor who can offer proven and favourable outcomes to their clients from their own success in life. The client would never need to return, and they Would receive repeat visits through them, of others - via happy word of mouth.  

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