Congress Members To Wear Barcodes So Lobbyists Can Scan Prices, Self-Checkout

WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a move to make purchasing congresspeople easier and faster for lobbyists, Congress voted to approve a new measure that calls for congresspeople to wear barcodes on their foreheads so lobbyists, activists, and corporations can simply scan them and self-checkout.

Self-checkout machines will be installed at all exits of the Capitol Building, so once they've added congresspeople to their cart, lobbyists can pay right on the way out.

"Purchasing congresspeople used to be a time-consuming, expensive process," said a Planned Parenthood representative. "Now, we can simply walk through Congress, scan all the congresspeople that are for sale, and checkout without having to interact with any humans."

"We hate humans---like, a lot," the PP rep added.

One major military-industrial complex lobby group, Americans For Bigger Bombs, said they are also in support of the new move.

"When you need to make a quick pit stop at our nation's legislative body to purchase a few congresspeople to start a new war, you need to do it fast," said one AFBB lawyer. "An attack on Iran can't wait while you wheel and deal, wine and dine, and negotiate endlessly. Now, I can just scan and go."

https://babylonbee.com/news/congress-members-to-wear-upc-codes-so-l...

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Comment by Marklar's Ghost on June 23, 2019 at 4:53pm

Nice. I'm sure Israels next foriegn aid package will include a 40% discount as well. NuttyYahoo will demand it.

Comment by James Roberts on June 22, 2019 at 11:53am

Kushner wants one, said he'd pay triple if it reads out "666".

Comment by Maas on June 22, 2019 at 8:57am

Good satire

Comment by Chris of the family Masters on June 22, 2019 at 4:46am

I wish it was not. This is sarcastic website.

Comment by Less Prone on June 22, 2019 at 4:38am

It's an insane world, but this must be a joke.

"Destroying the New World Order"

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