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Tribute to Jordan

~Losing Jordan~
A thousand volumes of nothing but a continuous repetition of the expression of pain could not come close to expressing the all-encompassing, soul-destroying grief of losing my precious daughter.

There are no words in any tongue known to man to adequately express the depth of the horrific pain of losing my precious child--my sweet Jordan. If I were to convey the extent of this agony, the world would be filled with the never-ending echos of my screams.

I held my sweet, sweet Jordan in my arms as she took her last breath. If God was merciful he would have allowed me to die that day as well. Continuously, day and night, I pray that He will be merciful yet.

Were the entire world to weep with me, there would be a surfeit, yet, of unshed tears of sorrow.

Crazy. Nightmares chase me.
Memories rape me. Visions shake me.
Voices plague me. Mistakes shape me.
Cold inside me. Cries don't faze me.
I despise me.
Malignant malady. Death's neutrality.
Life's brutality. Pain's vitality.
Self is vanity. Loss of Sanity.
I can't save me.

My child. My child.
Why God, why?
Please be merciful, let me die.
Heart don't beat.
Eyes be blind.
In the ground, cold like ice.
Body fall, spirit rise.
End the life I despise.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The love and light of my life ~~ Sweet Jordan 6/19/87 ~ 9/4/07






Anyone who has the power to make you believe absurdities has the power to make you commit injustices." ~ Voltaire

“There is a destiny which makes us brothers; none goes his way alone. All that we send into the lives of others comes back into our own.” ~ Edwin Markham

"Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it". ~Andre Gide

"Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God" ~ Floyd Watson

"The fetters imposed on liberty at home have ever been forged out of the weapons provided for defense against real, pretended or imaginary dangers from abroad." ~James Madison

"Necessity is the plea for every infringement of human freedom. It is the argument of tyrants; it is the creed of slaves." ~William Pitt

"The power of kings and magistrates [government] is nothing else, but what only is derivative, transformed and committed to them in trust from the people to the common good of them all, in whom the power yet remains fundamentally, and cannot be taken from them, without a violation of their natural birthright." ~John Milton

"We are here on Earth to do good to others. What the others are here for, I don't know." ~W. Auden

"Free your mind from the control matrix of your own making." ~I Am Sovereign

"The ultimate consequence of protecting men from the results of their own folly is to fill the world with fools." ~Herbert Spencer

Each smallest act of kindness reverberates across great distances and spans of time, affecting lives unknown to the one whose generous spirit was the source of this echo, because kindness is passed on and grows it time it's passed, until a simple courtesy becomes an act of selfless courage years later and faraway. Likewise, each small meanness, each expression of hatred, each act of evil. ~H. R. White, This Momentous Day

I'm reading: Order Out Of Chaos (Elite Sponsored Terrorism and the New World Order), Paul Joseph

Laughing at: Up Against the Wall Redneck Mother, Ray Wylie Hubbard









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Leilei's Blog

You’re Probably a Criminal, Too

Posted on February 16, 2014 at 1:47pm 0 Comments

You’re Probably a Criminal, Too

Last week, Reps. Bobby Scott (D-Va.) and Louie Gohmert (R-Texas) held much-needed hearings on the ever expanding reach and scope of federal law which, given a creative prosecutor and compliant judge, can make a federal criminal out of just about anyone.

One witness who testified at the hearings is convicted federal felon Krister Evertson. The Heritage Foundation’s…


"None Dare Call It Conspiracy" ~ Gary Allen

Posted on January 16, 2012 at 1:00pm 8 Comments

None Dare Call It Conspiracy

Gary Allen…


1984: Watch the Movie - Read the Book

Posted on January 7, 2011 at 11:55am 0 Comments

Watch the movie 1984 here: 1984 - The Movie (Scroll down to approx. middle of page)

Read the book 1984 here: 1984 - The Book


This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We… Continue


Posted on November 23, 2010 at 2:15am 5 Comments


Funny song (IMO) even if you do not care much for Rush Limbaugh. The song is on the left side of the page, under the pic of Jimmy Carter (not directly). To the right of the red audio link: EIB Parody: Pull the Plug on… Continue


Posted on November 9, 2009 at 7:40pm 1 Comment

From Mike Vanderboegh, Sipsey Street Irregulars: Dedicated Dad commented on my post, "The Hand Grenade Within Pelosi's Intolerable Act." It is so good, I want to highlight it on its own.

By Any Means Necessary

Though I find much in the life, philosophy and words of Malcolm X with which I disagree, there is one phrase of which I am perhaps more… Continue

Comment Wall (20 comments)

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At 1:26pm on December 24, 2012, truth said…

Merry Christmas And Happy Holidays !

At 4:07pm on January 14, 2012, TommyD said…

At 9:10pm on November 25, 2009, pjc said…
happy thanksgiving
At 9:31pm on October 8, 2009, Fred Black said…
Thanks for your kind comment Leilei. This is my first visit to your page and wow, I'm blown away. Your poem is very powerful. I have recently held in my arms my Father, my Mother and my two Grandmothers as they passed on over, but I still can't pretend to empathize with what you may be feeling.

My partner lost her son, same age as your Jordan, five years ago. I can say that while you may never feel complete again, if anyone is able to move forward from such tragedy, you appear to be doing so. Being able to express your grief is a healthy thing. My partner hasn't yet been able to do any grieving of any kind, it is denied. She does vent, outlet unconsciously though with amazing art work. We set up a gallery on one of my other websites, it is very dark work but powerful.

Keep on keeping on Leilei, you have something to teach many.
At 2:53pm on August 31, 2009, Marklar said…
Don't ever think that Leilei. I personally find the pretentions of the "well educated" insufferable. After all eight years of higher learning at a University amounts to eight years of information and of being told what to think about that information. And according to studies I believe it is araound 70-80% of college students who never again crack a book THEIR ENTIRE LIVES after graduation showing in large part that education stops entirely on graduation day.

Personally I never graduated high school and took a two year crash course in electronics at ITT. There is certainly a place for formal education in ones life but if that is ones only education it is a rather hollow one.

But a true thirst for knowledge and understanding is never truly sated and and if one has that then wisdom and knowledge both can be found in the oddest of places from the simplistic and honest question from a child to the philosophical musings of a poet that academia has never heard of.

The trick is merely to be interested. As long as you have an interest in the world around you then education will always be life long. In my humble opinion being interestED is also a prerequisite for being interestING.
At 5:10pm on August 14, 2009, Marklar said…
Thanks for you're comments on my forum post - 'The CNP, "alternative" media and controlled opposition'. I was just posting a response to Skylla however when suddenly I noticed your post was gone.So now I'm wondering if you retracted it or if I accidentally deleted it somehow. If so I promise it was NOT intentional.
At 7:20pm on July 31, 2009, Swtnlovabl said…
thank you ...
At 2:37am on July 7, 2009, truth said…
Well I hope you are back on your feet now. That sounds awful. Glad to have ya back. Take care!
At 7:00pm on March 15, 2009, Terry Allison said…
Hey Leilei!

Thank you very much for your compliment.

How are you? You look pretty cool, too.


Terry L. Allison, Sr.
At 10:59pm on February 19, 2009, truth said…
Howdy, I was doing some googling and came across one of your old blogs.
I copied it from the cache.
and then sent the link in to whatreallyhappened.com and it now has been read by a couple of thousand people.

Pretty cool, thought you would like to know.

"Destroying the New World Order"



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